IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
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Juvenile crimes are increasing day by day in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
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. Some assume that both adults and teenagers need to be equally punished
,
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apply
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when they
Use synonyms
comitt
Correct your spelling
commit
 a crime in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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society .
However
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, I strongly oppose
this
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 notion and the reasons for
this
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 will be provided in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, they are not even mature enough to recognise the right and wrong side of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 action that they did in their
life
Use synonyms
. To elaborate,
Add an article
the teenager
a teenager
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teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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 is a period of time ,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 individuals become impulsive and less concerned about their
life
Use synonyms
 , and they even
Use synonyms
comitt
Correct your spelling
commit
 illegal activities because of pressure from their peers or the harsh situations they were on that time.
Therefore
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, sentencing them
into
Change preposition
to
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 places
such
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 as rehabilitation
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 or juvenile schools can be a better
a
Correct article usage
apply
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punishment for them because in
their
Replace the word
there
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 they can study
as well as
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 know different values in their
life
Use synonyms
 , and
as a result
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, they can know
their
Change the pronoun
the
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 mistakes they
Use synonyms
comitt
Correct your spelling
commit
committed
 and be assured that they do not do the same mistakes in their
life
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, adult prisons can turn a child's
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mind even more
burtial
Correct your spelling
brutal
burial
. It is obvious that adolescent prisons
contains
Change the verb form
contain
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so many harsh environments where they can confront torture from cell mates or become mentally depressed by at atmosphere , where they were in . Thereby , it can affect the
teens
Change to a genitive case
teen's
teens'
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behaviour
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and their thoughts towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society .
Consequently
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, it can make them even more dangerous to communities and become
a wanted criminals
Correct the article-noun agreement
a wanted criminal
wanted criminals
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 in the country.
To conclude
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, sentencing children as that
of
Change preposition
apply
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adults when they
Use synonyms
comitt
Correct your spelling
commit
 a crime in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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 can not be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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appropriate manner because they lack maturity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that age and prisoning with serious criminals can
also
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 affect their mental health too.
Submitted by varshajose345 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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