As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Globalization is driving changes in social functions
such
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as human communication and how the public
use
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uses
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transportation. From
this
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situation, I firmly agree that there are several benefits to
people
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living in a community
that is
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moving forward to multicultural; even though, some
people
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might
aware
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be aware
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of the total loss of cultural identity.
To begin
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with, globalization is how
society
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keeps developing all sectors in parallel
such
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as business, education, tradition, and so on.
This
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is because the population boom leads to community expansion and
people
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start to relocate, so the exchange among different cultures commences.
Consequently
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,
such
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a cross-culture circumstance can eventually make individuals learn a variety of traditions or norms, which
people
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in the multi-national
society
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can get along well and respect each other ways
of
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lifestyle and thoughts.
In addition
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, the movement of mass immigration probably mitigates a worse situation in economic flow in the areas that are out of the city.
For example
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, adventurers find a faraway island as a low-cost living place
that is
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suitable for their retired life. The island
then
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becomes more lively and packed and
this
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is a plus for local entrepreneurs.
On the other hand
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, the opposite view is that cultural identity will
lose
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be lost
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. Modernization can bring outer influences to local residents.
This
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phenomenon can
cause
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affect
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how
people
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behave.
For example
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, traditional foods and
artifacts
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artefacts
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might be replaced by contemporary or modern trends, and an existing culture is less preserved. In summary, I strongly insist that the advantages of globalization like multicultural
society
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and the potential progress of developing cities can make
overall
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society
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move forward to a better future.
Submitted by pookiekw1997 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to improve the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly present the topic and your viewpoint. Also, ensure that each paragraph supports your main points with relevant examples and ideas. The logical structure of the essay must be improved to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have identified the benefits and drawbacks of globalization but need to ensure that your viewpoint on the impact of globalization on cultural identity is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay. Your examples and ideas should directly relate to the impact of globalization on cultural identity. Additionally, you should aim for a more comprehensive response to the task, covering all aspects of the statement in the prompt.
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