As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Globalization is driving changes in social functions
such
as human communication and how the public
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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transportation. From
this
situation, I firmly agree that there are several benefits to
people
living in a community
that is
moving forward to multicultural; even though, some
people
might
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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of the total loss of cultural identity.
To begin
with, globalization is how
society
keeps developing all sectors in parallel
such
as business, education, tradition, and so on.
This
is because the population boom leads to community expansion and
people
start to relocate, so the exchange among different cultures commences.
Consequently
,
such
a cross-culture circumstance can eventually make individuals learn a variety of traditions or norms, which
people
in the multi-national
society
can get along well and respect each other ways
of
Change preposition
apply
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lifestyle and thoughts.
In addition
, the movement of mass immigration probably mitigates a worse situation in economic flow in the areas that are out of the city.
For example
, adventurers find a faraway island as a low-cost living place
that is
suitable for their retired life. The island
then
becomes more lively and packed and
this
is a plus for local entrepreneurs.
On the other hand
, the opposite view is that cultural identity will
lose
Wrong verb form
be lost
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. Modernization can bring outer influences to local residents.
This
phenomenon can
cause
Verb problem
affect
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how
people
behave.
For example
, traditional foods and
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
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might be replaced by contemporary or modern trends, and an existing culture is less preserved. In summary, I strongly insist that the advantages of globalization like multicultural
society
and the potential progress of developing cities can make
overall
society
move forward to a better future.
Submitted by pookiekw1997 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to improve the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly present the topic and your viewpoint. Also, ensure that each paragraph supports your main points with relevant examples and ideas. The logical structure of the essay must be improved to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have identified the benefits and drawbacks of globalization but need to ensure that your viewpoint on the impact of globalization on cultural identity is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay. Your examples and ideas should directly relate to the impact of globalization on cultural identity. Additionally, you should aim for a more comprehensive response to the task, covering all aspects of the statement in the prompt.

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