As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Globalization is driving changes in social functions

such

as human communication and how the public

use

Correct subject-verb agreement

uses

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transportation. From

this

situation, I firmly agree that there are several benefits to

people

living in a community

that is

moving forward to multicultural; even though, some

people

might

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

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of the total loss of cultural identity.

To begin

with, globalization is how

society

keeps developing all sectors in parallel

such

as business, education, tradition, and so on.

This

is because the population boom leads to community expansion and

people

start to relocate, so the exchange among different cultures commences.

Consequently

such

a cross-culture circumstance can eventually make individuals learn a variety of traditions or norms, which

people

in the multi-national

society

can get along well and respect each other ways

Change preposition

apply

show examples

lifestyle and thoughts.

In addition

, the movement of mass immigration probably mitigates a worse situation in economic flow in the areas that are out of the city.

For example

, adventurers find a faraway island as a low-cost living place

that is

suitable for their retired life. The island

then

becomes more lively and packed and

this

is a plus for local entrepreneurs.

On the other hand

, the opposite view is that cultural identity will

lose

Wrong verb form

be lost

show examples

. Modernization can bring outer influences to local residents.

This

phenomenon can

cause

Verb problem

affect

show examples

how

people

behave.

For example

, traditional foods and

artifacts

Change the spelling

artefacts

show examples

might be replaced by contemporary or modern trends, and an existing culture is less preserved. In summary, I strongly insist that the advantages of globalization like multicultural

society

and the potential progress of developing cities can make

overall

society

move forward to a better future.

Submitted by pookiekw1997 on Sat Apr 15 2023

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coherence cohesion

You need to improve the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly present the topic and your viewpoint. Also, ensure that each paragraph supports your main points with relevant examples and ideas. The logical structure of the essay must be improved to enhance the flow of ideas.

task achievement

You have identified the benefits and drawbacks of globalization but need to ensure that your viewpoint on the impact of globalization on cultural identity is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay. Your examples and ideas should directly relate to the impact of globalization on cultural identity. Additionally, you should aim for a more comprehensive response to the task, covering all aspects of the statement in the prompt.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

269 words

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