IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather then sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #self-educate #children #home #school #education
Some countries have an increasing number of
parents
 who selecting self-teach their
kids
 at
home
 rather than sending them to
school
.
Although
this
 may make a child has not a
real-lifelife
Correct your spelling
real-life life
 friend in short-term life, it allows them to be looked after closely by their
parents
 and I believe that
this
 advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages. Self-teach of
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
parents
 at
home
 could make the
children
 may not have real-life
friends
 in short term. When they educated their
kids
 in the house,the
children
 will have only family members as
friends
 and may not have social
friends
 when they grow up. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, the
kids
 who have been taught at the
home
 may not have another friend to talk to or play with other than their father or mother until they might grow up and go to general
school
 or university.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 I do not think that short-term friendless
kids
 should be seen as a major disadvantage because they will find
a new
Correct the article-noun agreement
new friends
a new friend
show examples
friends
 when they will be in college.
Home
school
 can
closely
Correct quantifier usage
more closely
show examples
 look after
children
 than another type
teaching
Change preposition
of teaching
show examples
, the
parents
 can advise and pay attention to their
kids
 tightly.
For example
, when their
children
 might be talking with rude words, the
parents
 could teach and say something to suggest to their
kids
 immediately. I would argue that close taking care of their
kids
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important because
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can teach them
suddently
Correct your spelling
suddenly
. In conclusion,
although
home
school
 teaching may make
kids
 have no
friended
Replace the word
friends
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term life, I believe
this
 downside is greatly outweighed by the upside that the mother and father can look after their
kids
 tightly more than sending them to an ordinary
school
.
Submitted by vanil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: