IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries young people have less leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
Free
hours
 of a person’s life are the ones that they enjoy the most and generally
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 required to be around 2
hours
 of someone’s schedule.
However
, recently it has been perceived that in some areas of the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 the youth do not have as much leisure
time
 as they did before and are bound to put many
hours
 into their studies and do well. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, in some widely developed countries the
hours
 put
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 studying
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a lot more and it’s resulting in young individuals not being able to relax.
Additionally
, not being able to wind off and being pressured into working extra hard for a long
time
also
 completely stresses people out. Some of the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 are obvious, everybody studies hard to get
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 a satisfactory university and
then
 be able to find a job,
however
, at the moment
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans rapidly evolving, the workforce requirements and standards are
also
 become almost unreachable, so studying a lot more is required to be able to keep up with the others, and that results in having little leisure
time
. As
this
 problem expands, communities will be bound to find some reasonable solutions for
this
, and some that I can suggest include increasing the years that people study from 11 years to 13 or 14. With
this
 change school curriculums can be less harsh on the students
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 giving homework and the
overall
 difficulty lowering down to the point where teens can have more free
time
.
For instance
, an example of
this
 can be that in my school, the government increased the days of class in a week from 5 to 6 which lessened the number of classes in a day.
To conclude
, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 trouble is the exponential transition of human beings becoming a lot smarter and some of the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 are changing the years spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying from 11 to 13 or 14.
Submitted by a.fahradova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: