IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many young people regularly change their job over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #change #job #years
In the modern world, several individuals choose to alter their jobs after a few years because of several reasons.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
 trend and will draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand,
to begin
 with, it is common for young individuals to change their work because of the advantages. To be clear, when someone wants to gain new knowledge, they will change their workplace.
For instance
, many companies do not offer a great salary for employees which can affect their profits
due to
this
 fact.
Additionally
, even though young adults have the opportunity to get hired at big companies, some of them will decline because he or she wants to travel overseas.
For example
, changing domains and jobs so young people can gain experience and achieve big goals.
Therefore
, several businesses will attract these folks through deals and a great amount of money.
On the other hand
,
although
 of the pros of
this
 situation, others believe it can affect them negatively. To be specific, whenever workers swap their work profiles, they will not have stability in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To illustrate, swapping careers every 3 to 5 years can be Inconvenient for those who have responsibilities and a stable lifestyle which
is
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
 difficult for them to move to another country.
To sum up
, after careful analysis, young folks will shift their careers if they see the benefits of
this
otherwise
 others will prefer to stay stabilized rather than move overseas.
It is clear that
 the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by shxxx2003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the given prompt. The reasons for young people changing jobs are briefly mentioned but lack detailed development. The discussion of advantages and disadvantages is not comprehensive, and the personal conclusion is vague.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks logical progression and coherence. Ideas are presented in a disorganized manner, and there is a lack of clear linking between sentences and paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively frame the essay or provide a clear overview of the points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: