Taking part in sports is important for an adult's health and happiness. To what extent do you agree with it?

In the modern era ,
while
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there is an ongoing debate with compelling reasons about the importance of taking part in
sports
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for an adult's
health
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and
happiness
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, it CORRECT PRONOUN USAGE apply
Punctuation problem
.
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It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.
show
Wrong verb form
Showing
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examples leads to intriguing arguments and broadens a person’s horizon. In my opinion, I totally agree that
sports
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are essential for people’s
health
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and
happiness
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, and I am going to put forth my ideas in
this
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essay. At the outset, one of the key factors of my point of view is that
sports
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boost the immune system.
Moreover
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, it must be pointed out that playing
sports
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improves
the
Correct article usage
an
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adult’s
health
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, and it would
also
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relieve work stress and ensure better sleeping patterns .
For instance
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, a recent article published in Scientific American revealed that athletes are less likely to be infected
by
Change preposition
with
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different diseases because
sports
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, in general, improve physical and mental
health
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.
Therefore
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, the discourse proved that playing
sports
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is essential for adults’
health
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.
Additionally
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, another important aspect that should be highly considered is that
sports
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give adults a chance to make new friends and widen their social life.
Furthermore
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, it is noteworthy that playing in a team opens new connections and enables you to have a real social life away from online social networks.
Thus
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, the previous ideas showed how
sports
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are important for adults’
happiness
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.
To conclude
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, I hold the conclusive proof, which has been outlined above, that there is a heated debate about
this
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topic, and
hence
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I strongly believe that
sports
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are essential for people’s
health
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and
happiness
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because
sports
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boost the immune system.

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strength
Your view is clear and you give two main ideas: health and social life.
structure
Make the plan simple. Each idea should be put in its own small part. Use short sentences to link ideas.
grammar
Check grammar. Fix wrong pronoun use and make verb forms right.
content
Add stronger and more exact examples. A brief fact helps your point.
conclusion
Finish with a short line that restates your view.
content
You state a clear view from the start.
example
You use an example from a real source.
conclusion
You give a final line to sum up.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: