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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #information #feautures #comparison
The graph and table charts give information that the
temperatures'
Change noun form
temperatures
show examples
differenciations
Correct your spelling
differentiations
differentiation
 per month and the amounts of hours of
sunshine
 per year in three
cities
such
 as
London
, New
york
Correct your spelling
York
show examples
 and
Sydney
. From the graph, we can know when was the highest climate through annual in three
cities
 and New
york
Change the capitalization
York
show examples
 was the most
sunshine
 city among these
cities
.
Firstly
, in the line graph, in July, New
York
 and
London
 was the hottest season relative to
Sydney
.
Sydney
 was the coldest in July.
Also
, the
chages
Correct your spelling
changes
charges
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 temperatures
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown
London
Change preposition
in London
show examples
 and New
York
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 patterns like increasing climate and peak at in July,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in December. But, the city of
Sydney
 showed the reverse
patterns
Fix the agreement mistake
pattern
show examples
. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased and the lowest in July and
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
 up in December.
Lastly
, to see a table, among three countries, the hours of
sunshine
, New
York
 was the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
shineest
Correct your spelling
shiniest
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
.
Although
London
 was the second higher temperature in July,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 annual times of
sunshine
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest.
To sum up
, New
york
Correct your spelling
York
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
peaked at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest climate in July and had the longest
sunshine
 hours.
Besides
,
London
 had the lowest
daylights
Fix the agreement mistake
daylight
show examples
 and
Sydney
 had a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 temperature
changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
change
show examples
 between them.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sunshine, cities, london, york, sydney with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼

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