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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #information #feautures #comparison
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The graph and table charts give information that the
temperatures'
Change noun form
temperatures
show examples
differenciations
Correct your spelling
differentiations
differentiation
 per month and the amounts of hours of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 per year in three
cities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
London
Use synonyms
, New
Use synonyms
york
Correct your spelling
York
show examples
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
. From the graph, we can know when was the highest climate through annual in three
cities
Use synonyms
 and New
Use synonyms
york
Change the capitalization
York
show examples
 was the most
sunshine
Use synonyms
 city among these
cities
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the line graph, in July, New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 was the hottest season relative to
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was the coldest in July.
Also
Linking Words
, the
chages
Correct your spelling
changes
charges
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 temperatures
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown
Use synonyms
London
Change preposition
in London
show examples
 and New
York
Use synonyms
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 patterns like increasing climate and peak at in July,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in December. But, the city of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 showed the reverse
patterns
Fix the agreement mistake
pattern
show examples
. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased and the lowest in July and
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
 up in December.
Lastly
Linking Words
, to see a table, among three countries, the hours of
sunshine
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
 was the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
shineest
Correct your spelling
shiniest
Use synonyms
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
 was the second higher temperature in July,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 annual times of
sunshine
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest.
To sum up
Linking Words
, New
Use synonyms
york
Correct your spelling
York
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
peaked at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest climate in July and had the longest
sunshine
Use synonyms
 hours.
Besides
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
daylights
Fix the agreement mistake
daylight
show examples
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 temperature
changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
change
show examples
 between them.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sunshine, cities, london, york, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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