IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the results of survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the activities, facilities and opening hours.

The table below shows the results of survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the activities, facilities and opening hours.
#results #survey #members #city #sports #club #activities #facilities #hours
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table compares and contrasts the rating given by the people to a city sports
club
Use synonyms
 based on three different categories
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
activities , facilities and opening hours.
Overall
Linking Words
, out of three , two amenities got a good satisfaction ratio from
both
Use synonyms
 genders.
Whereas
Linking Words
, satisfaction for a range of activities in
club
Use synonyms
 varied on
both
Use synonyms
 sexes.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 75% of female members rated the activities in the
club
Use synonyms
 as very satisfying and average . Meanwhile, 3% reported it was not satisfied .
While
Linking Words
 , for ,males 55% of them give it excellent .
Whereas
Linking Words
, 40% rated it average , and 5% thought it very bad .
By contrast
Linking Words
,
club
Use synonyms
 facilities accounted highly satisfying ratio ,and was 64% and 63% respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 22% and 27% of
both
Use synonyms
 men and women recorded it as satisfying . But , 24% of
both
Use synonyms
 sex reported it was bad .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the opening hours of clubs were excellent for 72% of women and 25% for them , it was good .
However
Linking Words
, 3% only rated it as not good.
By contrast
Linking Words
 , for the opposite gender , it was 44% for very satisfying , 19% for satisfying and 37% for very bad.
Submitted by varshajose345 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words club, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: