IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is a good thing if senior management workers in a company get a much higher salary than other workers in the same company. Do you agree or disagree?

#management #workers #company #salary
Many
Change the quantifier
Much
show examples
 older and more experienced
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 wealth, tend to earn more money from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger coworkers. I strongly agree with
such
 a scheme.
This
 essay will talk about some aspects of it. First of all, senior workers take a huge part in the importance of a company.
Withouth
Correct your spelling
Without
 their determination and hard work, some of the
coorporations
Correct your spelling
corporations
 would not be so successful, nowadays.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means these people have done more for their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 than some can imagine.
These managment employee
Change the determiner
This managment employee
These managment employees
show examples
also
 deserve more attention and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher salary, as they are the ones who keep the company going and usually make sure it will not bankrupt.
For instance
, they care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the peace and are responsible for many serious works,
such
 as managing the cash.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 should take it into consideration more often.
On the other hand
, young workers are often being unnoticed and
unnappraciated
Correct your spelling
unappreciated
. Because of the lack of their
experiencethey
Correct your spelling
experience they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in some matters.
For example
, they are often disrespected in what they do.
However
, they should be treated the same way the others are, as everyone has their beginning and need time to learn
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their mistakes. In conclusion, the senior workers who take an enormous part in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of their company should continue to get
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 from others, as they deserve it. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 natural show of how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard work may pay off one day.
Submitted by alekssandrahoffa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: