IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problems

#criminals #re-offend #people #crimes #measures
It is apparent that there are a huge number of criminals who continue to offend a crime after being
penatized
Correct your spelling
penalized
.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
 problem and some measures will be proposed to mitigate
this
 situation.
To begin
 with, the two major reasons accounting for
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 drawbacks are negative influences of other prisoners and difficulties of the integration after
releashing
Correct your spelling
releasing
relishing
. Perhaps the prominent cause is that the newer inmates can be adversely affected
due to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 former
roomates
Correct your spelling
roommates
.
This
 is primarily because the felons will be incarcerated in the same room.
Consequently
, they may lay out plans in order to
pepertrate
Correct your spelling
perpetrate
perpetuate
penetrate
 illegal activities again as long as they leave.
Additionally
, The released offenders will deal with a plethora of
hindarences
Correct your spelling
hindrances
while
endearvoring
Correct your spelling
endeavouring
 to
integrating
Wrong verb form
integrate
show examples
 the society. Probably when
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period of imprisonment is maturity, they will become outdated and even
thier
Correct your spelling
their
acquaitances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
 will avoid them because they do not want to get involved in
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
. Some possible methods to extenuate
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 are organising community services and determining career prospects for felons. The local authorities should hold volunteer
campains
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 in order to not only
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 costs of the imprisonment but
also
easing
Wrong verb form
ease
show examples
 the civilian's grief
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the offenders.
Moreover
, The
manegers
Correct your spelling
managers
manager
 of the prison should open vocational training courses which help criminals to find appropriate occupations when they reintegrate
the
Change preposition
into the
show examples
 community.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the vocational classes may lessen
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
 of accumulating criminal conspiracies inside the jail In conclusion, the rate of re-offending can be mitigated by the adequate efforts of both governments and offenders themself
Submitted by leducminhvu1112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: