IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Development of technology reached a very high level in the past 30 years.
This
 is very helpful to stop the rising crime statistics
due to
 the increasing population all around the Earth. Almost everyone has at least one mobile
phone
 in the bag, which is capable of either taking a picture with its camera in very high resolution or recording voices around. The chance to monitor us is now ready for the investigation agencies. After 9/11 the terror attacks increased around the world, so the main advantage of the possibility to track our life through our mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 is protecting our society against terrorism.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 security cameras can record 7/24 on the streets, especially in those areas, where criminal cases are at a high level. Observing us has disadvantages as well, as our private life is involved. It is so simple to get accidentally malware software on a cell
phone
, which has the ability to track us. Governments can send easily programs like Pegasus, which is spyware, to an individual’s mobile
phone
, to track every communication he does. They can read his e-mails, to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 conversations he made, and can watch everything around him through the lenses of the camera. We can clearly see, that giving up a little part of our privacy will affect positively our safety,
due to
 the chance, that the investigation agencies can easily identify a criminal
for example
 by tracking his
phone
. Even if we do not like to share our private life with anybody, the advantages outweigh the few disadvantages in my opinion. The higher the technological development, the less the risk of a new 9/11 is.
Submitted by gorgoc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: