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Band 3.5

some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #workers #doctors #nurse #teachers #contribution #society #field #sports #entertainment
It is said that professional
workers
 who make
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to the community like
doctors
 and
teachers
 should have more
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 compared to
people
 who
work
 in the sports and entertainment field. I completely agree with
this
 statement, and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs. Professional
workers
 have a great impact on the future of any society.
For example
,
doctors
 protect
from
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apply
show examples
the health of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body, and
teachers
 bring up the next generation. So their function and
influnence
Correct your spelling
influence
is
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are
show examples
 more crucial in comparison with the
people
 whose
work
 in
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 and sports industry.
Moreover
, the
work
 of professional
workers
 is strongly harder than others.
For instance
, if
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
 make a mistake, their mistake
killes
Correct your spelling
killed
kills
 a human or if
teachers
 do not care about correct training, our youngsters do not have a proper
upbring
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upbringing
show examples
, and they will not able to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of society in the
not-distant-future
Correct your spelling
not-distant future
show examples
.
Therefore
 professional
workers
desrve
Correct your spelling
deserve
 more amount of money. In conclusion, I agree that
people
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
show examples
 in the field of sports and entertainment should receive less money than professional
workers
such
 as
doctors
 and
teachers
 as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
people
 who have a greater contribution
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because of their
work
's impact and importance.
Submitted by Maryamrajaeenia77 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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