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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
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The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of money spent on
Add an article
the household
a household
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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 compare to
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010 in terms of five important categories namely- housing, transport, food, health care,
other
Correct word choice
and other
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 goods and services. In general, it can be seen that Japanese and Malaysian
citizen
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citizens
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 spent the most percentage of their budget on just three household expenses namely housing, food and other goods and services.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the payments of these countries spent the least on health care and transport. It can be clearly seen from the chart, in
Use synonyms
Malaysia
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,Malaysia
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 the greatest proportion of expenditure (34%) was on housing,
while
Linking Words
 in
Japan
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 housing accounted for just 21% of the total. Followed by in
Japan
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 the greatest single expense was other goods and services at 29%, compared with 26% in
Malaysia
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
term
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terms
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food, the percentage of expenditures for both nations were relatively similar, at 27%
of
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for
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Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and 24% for
Use synonyms
japan
Correct your spelling
Japan
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. In both countries, the smallest proportion of spending was on health care. In
Malaysia
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,
this
Linking Words
 accounted for 3% of the total household expenses,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for transport represented 10%. These figures were exactly doubled in
Japan
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 which were 6% and 20% respectively. (197 words)
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
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