IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

: For many , shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others . People , however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary . To what extent do you think this is a negative trend?

Shopping malls, these days, are considered as major recreational spots by many
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 most
people
Use synonyms
 used to visit them for necessity in the past.
This
Linking Words
 new trend has many negative impacts on
people
Use synonyms
 and society as a whole.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will argue why it is completely unnecessary for
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their free time in the marketplace and how
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, modern shopping complexes offer many amenities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 shoppers tend to enjoy roaming around different markets and
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
 whatever they like.
For instance
Linking Words
, many pupils prefer to meet up in a shopping
mall
Use synonyms
, watch a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say
this
Linking Words
 reduces the stress of the exams and makes them relaxed.
Besides
Linking Words
, with the decline of open places and parks, many families gather at a large shopping
mall
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their holidays.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend and has health hazards.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the young generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the stress relief provided by the outdoor world.
This
Linking Words
, in fact, drains out the energy of the youth and makes them lethargic.
For example
Linking Words
, a walk in a park or a day on a beach refreshes the soul more evidently than a day in a
mall
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the excessive affection towards shopping, many
people
Use synonyms
 become shopaholics and get into debt.
To conclude
Linking Words
, citizens should not spend their free time in shopping malls as there are better alternatives. It is hoped that
people
Use synonyms
 will go to a shopping
mall
Use synonyms
 to do essential shopping
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 spend their free time outdoors to enjoy the beauty of nature and take part in open-air activities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Work on a stronger reason for the view. Give more clear facts or examples to show why the mall trend is bad.
cohesion
Put ideas in a clear order. Use simple link words like first, next, also, but to guide the reader.
structure
Make the plan in the essay clear. Start with a short intro that states the view and end with a strong last sentence.
language
Keep the language simple and easy. Avoid long or hard words; use common words from basic English.
content
Use more details that fit the idea and do not repeat the same point.
strength
The view is clear: malls are not needed for free time.
strength
strength
There is an intro and a final line to close the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: