IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The percentage of time that Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013

#percentage #time #australian #mothers #fathers #children #four #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line chart illustrates the proportion of
time
 that Australian parents set aside
time
 for their
children
 in 2013 in four activities, namely dressing,
homework
, playing
games
, and preparing for bed.
Overall
,
mothers
 spent more
time
 on their sons and daughters than fathers. Dressing and
homework
 were two activities that
children
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shared mostly
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their mommies
while
 their daddies helped them more in playing
games
 and preparing for bed. Standing at 50%, the percentage of
time
 that parents helped their
children
 with dressing and preparing for bed was the same. Meanwhile, the rate of
time
 that fathers prepared for bed with their
children
 was four
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
was
Correct pronoun usage
which was
show examples
 double
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that in dressing. The proportion of
time
 that
mothers
 helped their offspring with dressing was the highest,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at 75%. In terms of
homework
 and playing
games
, the amount of
time
 that both
mothers
 and fathers shared with their
children
 in
homework
 was over
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half of that in playing
games
, at 38% and 70% respectively. The rate of
time
 that
mothers
 allocated to their
children
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
homework
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 60%, which was over twice as much as that in playing
games
, at only 25%.
Besides
, the opposite was true for
mothers’s
Remove the s
mothers’
show examples
 counterparts.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: