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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagrams illustrate the steps of how
cement
Use synonyms
 is made
along with
Linking Words
 things which have to be obtained to put the concrete-making process to an end.
Overall
Linking Words
, making
cement
Use synonyms
 seems to be more complicated with its instruction than trying to get concrete with only a few crucial products.
Firstly
Linking Words
, to make
a
Remove the article
cement
a block of cement
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 you have to crush the limestone and clay it together and
then
Linking Words
 mix it.
Next,
Linking Words
the substance will go through a rotating heater which will make it warm and ready for grinding.
That is
Linking Words
 how the
cement
Use synonyms
 becomes ready to be packed into bags.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, concrete production demands putting only four things together in a concrete mixer, which is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 machine in
this
Linking Words
 process. In the end, the products which must be mixed together are 15% of
cement
Use synonyms
, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel and with
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 the substance is completed.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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