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Band 4.5

These days, mobile phone and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#phone #internet #people #development
In the modern world,
cell
phones
 and the
internet
 are very important in our society
such
 as in communication with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 people. Opinion, I always believe that it is very important to have a cellphone and the
internet
.
This
 essay will explain how important
cell
phones
 and the
internet
 that
everyone
 should have them. First of all,
everyone
 uses a smartphone every
day
 and it is very important to have a smartphone for work for contact with other people.
Secondly
, the
Internet
 is very beneficial for us as
everyone
 uses the
Internet
 for everything like online banking and contact with each other.
In addition
,
cell
phones
 and the
Internet
 are very make our life easier ,
for example
, I use them to talk with my family and friends every
day
 so, I think it is very important should
everyone
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to have a
cell
 phone and
Internet
.
On the other hand
, many people believe that it is very dangerous
for uses
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 a
cell
 phone and the
Internet
likes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a teenager who uses the
Internet
 every
day
, will have problems with their health and someone will spend a long time on the
Internet
 and the
Internet
 has many things they can search that some information is good but some information is bad.
To sum up
, I totally agree that mobile
phones
 and the
internet
 are very positive things because it now a
day
everyone
 uses the
internet
 for everything and
cell
phones
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 made our life better than before.
Moreover
, if we use the
internet
 in bad ways and it is can not control
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, the
internet
 will harmful to us.
Therefore
, we need to control them and the government should protect us.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop and support your ideas more thoroughly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and create a clear progression.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough and balanced response to the question. Address both the advantages and the disadvantages in more detail and ensure that all parts of the question are answered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instantaneous
  • digital communication
  • geographical barriers
  • social networking
  • face-to-face interactions
  • overdependence
  • privacy concerns
  • cyberbullying
  • online communities
  • unparalleled access
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