some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. some say these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some

Fix capitalization

Some

show examples

individuals believe that those who become good citizens after being in prison should be encouraged to educate

youngsters

Use synonyms

about the potential dangers of

crime

Use synonyms

commitment

Check wording

apply

show examples

personally

Fix capitalization

Personally

show examples

, I agree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint completely

Linking Words

although

Punctuation problem

, although

show examples

certain drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

tendency need to be taken into consideration.

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

begin with, ex-prisoners are supposed to be the best choice for the education of

crime

Use synonyms

because of their long-term experiences in jail.

students

Fix capitalization

Students

show examples

are likely to have chances to enrich their knowledge of the dangers of committing evil

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

well as the strict punishments.

Linking Words

therefore

Fix capitalization

Therefore

show examples

, they would have a realistic view towards the

crime

Use synonyms

committed, which would help them to avoid becoming criminals.

Linking Words

for

Fix capitalization

For

show examples

example, in

viet nam

Correct your spelling

Vietnam

, ex-prisoners

having

Wrong verb form

who have

show examples

good

behaviours

Fix the agreement mistake

behaviour

show examples

after being released from jail are offered to warn children about the potential risks with a view to eliminating any idea of committing a

crime

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

, the rate of criminals in

this

Linking Words

country is incredibly low.

Fix capitalization

show examples

spite of the aforementioned arguments, there are still particular limitations that need to be taken into account.

after

Fix capitalization

After

show examples

staying in confinement, ex-criminals often have an adverse attitude towards the authority

due to

Linking Words

their suffering stringent punishments.

Linking Words

consequently

Fix capitalization

Consequently

show examples

youngsters

Use synonyms

would form a false belief in their nations' political systems when ex-prisoners are allowed to communicate with them.

Linking Words

moreover

Fix capitalization

Moreover

show examples

, police can make a contribution to the education of

youngsters

Use synonyms

about corruption, as they have an in-depth knowledge of laws and rules, which would be more effective than experiences in prison.

Fix capitalization

show examples

conclusion, I am of the opinion that education in

crime

Use synonyms

from ex-criminals should be encouraged, despite certain disadvantages.

Linking Words

therefore

Fix capitalization

Therefore

show examples

, painstaking inspection is needed to ensure the safety of

youngsters

Use synonyms

in these activities.

bobong120906

Apr 18, 2023

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structure

Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.

language

Use short, plain sentences and common words.

content

Give real, easy to check examples and back them with small facts.

language

Fix grammar and wrong word use, like 'education about crime' or 'crime dangers' instead of 'education of crime'.

content

The writer gives a clear view and keeps it in the essay.

content

Some useful ideas about why ex-prisoners can talk to students.

tone

There is an effort to link to real life context.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

rehabilitation
crime deterrence
authenticity
consequences
criminal justice system
incarceration
recidivism
inspire
glamorize
professional educators
law enforcement officers
second chances
personal growth
relatability
appropriateness

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some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. some say these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

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In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?