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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph illustrates three different kinds of crimes that occurred in Newport city center between 2003 and 2012.

The line graph illustrates three different kinds of crimes that occurred in Newport city center between 2003 and 2012.
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In the chart shown above, we can analyze three different crimes, (burglary, car theft, and
robbery
Use synonyms
) and the number of
incidents
Use synonyms
 that took place between 2003 and 2013 in Newport City.
First,
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 analyzing burglary crimes, it can be seen that
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
 was the highest between 2003 and 2004, but after 2005 it had a drastic decrease. It went from more than 3500 cases in 2004 to a little more than 1000 in 2008.
Then
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 there is car theft.
This
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crime
Use synonyms
 has been between 2000 cases and 3000 during the 9 years. The highest point was in 2004 and the lowest in 2006.
Finally
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, regarding the
crime
Use synonyms
 of
robbery
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has been the steadiest
crime
Use synonyms
 of all three, staying in the range of 500 and 1000
incidents
Use synonyms
.
Robbery
Use synonyms
 is not only the steadiest but
also
Linking Words
 the one with the lowest index of
incidents
Use synonyms
 of them all.
To conclude
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, it can be observed that the total number of
incidents
Use synonyms
 (the three recorded on the graph) in Newport City has been lowered.
Robbery
Use synonyms
 is the
crime
Use synonyms
 with the lowest amount of
incidents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 burglary and car theft vary depending on the year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words robbery, incidents, crime with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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