IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or digsagree ?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax #digsagree
Looking at the task below, which is concerning the higher number of people who suffer from heart problems
as a consequence
 of the exaggerate consume of fast
food
 , and the
way
 how the government would
tolike
Correct your spelling
like
 take action, imposing the tax, it's evident the
way
 in which two wide opinions can make space between each other, giving the opportunity to admit a personal idea, after having made a comparison and clear sentence.
To begin
 with, the first view, which is related to the positive side, it's relevant to consider that fast
food
, nowadays, is the fastest option, rather than something else; yet the new generation
such
 as students or young
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
,
for instance
, becoming always more and more ambitions, olso as busy, think ano another option to eat is impossible. Fast
food
 gives
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 possibility to them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
re charged
Correct your spelling
recharged
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 energy and back being
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on what is their main interest. Following, the
secondi
Correct your spelling
second
 view,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
propose
Change the verb form
proposes
show examples
 the negative side, it's dominant to understand and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for what and why its function looks like no one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to being, and as the task reports, an over-consumer of fast
food
 may
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 heart problem,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
,addition
show examples
such
 as
rhe
Correct your spelling
the
esagerate
Correct your spelling
exaggerate
exaggerated
 increase pd weight, which with the years,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 the reason your death. In my view, I suppose that the
consum
Correct your spelling
sum
 of f.flow shouldn't be taxed, because
despite
Add the comma(s)
,despite
show examples
 the negative or positive sides, we are still talking about
food
, which
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 to be an option for those who, their life is most often the time in
rush
Add an article
a rush
show examples
.
Accordingly
, people must think about their health and body, without bans and taxes from none, yet we should be the first person who
care
Change the verb form
cares
show examples
 about ourselves.
To sum up
, with what has been analysed, and compared, it's dominant to highlight the importance of our life and how every day, we may
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 the best
way
.
Submitted by veronicalindiner1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Consumption
  • Revenue
  • Healthcare costs
  • Personal freedom
  • Public campaigns
  • Economic impact
  • Social inequity
  • Affordability
  • Accessibility
  • Awareness campaigns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: