Is fast food to blame for obesity in society or is gaining too much weight the responsibility of the individual? What factors contribute to obesity? Why do you think that children are becoming obese?

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The increasing rate of

obesity

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nowadays is worrying the whole society and even the country. Some

people

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believe that the

cause

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of being overweight is fast

food

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while

Linking Words

some think that gaining too much weight is an individual’s responsibility. I agree with the latter as fast

food

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is only a meal option and it’s not the only thing that will

cause

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obesity

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in an individual. In

this

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essay, I’ll discuss my views on factors that contribute to

obesity

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and why

children

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are becoming obese. Lack of exercise is one of the important contributors to

obesity

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. Both working adults and students nowadays are very busy with their work and studies.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the heavy workload might

cause

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them don’t have enough time and energy

for doing

Change preposition

to do

show examples

workouts a few times a week. Laziness is

also

Linking Words

one of the main culprits that

cause

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people

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not to spend time doing workouts.

For instance

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, most of them will prefer to play video games or watch shows when they're free.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the costs of a gym membership and sports equipment are

also

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not affordable to everyone. Fast

food

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was being blamed by some

people

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for causing the overweight problem. In my view, it’s not accurate that fast

food

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is the main

cause

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but the expensive prices of organic

food

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. Organic and nutritious meal options are usually more pricey so they won’t be the preferred alternative for everybody.

For example

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, a customised salad at a salad bar usually costs 2 times more than a hamburger set in a fast

food

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restaurant.

Due to

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the expensive cost of healthy

food

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, more

people

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will choose to have their

meals

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at fast

food

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restaurants and it’ll definitely

cause

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a surge in the

obesity

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rate.

Children

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’s overweight rate is a very concerning situation as it is considered a serious medical condition . One of the reasons that

cause

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could be parents don’t have enough time

on preparing

Change preposition

to prepare

show examples

meals

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for their

children

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Hence

Linking Words

children

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usually don’t get to eat nutritious and balanced

meals

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School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

also

Linking Words

responsible for providing

children

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with healthy and nutritious

meals

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during mealtime and encouraging them to eat healthier by teaching them the disadvantages that

obesity

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will bring to them. If youngster knows how to make the right decision on choosing

meals

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, it will no longer be a problem for society.

sodaxuan1212Wed Apr 19 2023

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task response

The essay has addressed both sides of the argument but lacks depth in analysis. The arguments could be further expanded to provide a more comprehensive discussion.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion were present, but the overall essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The essay could benefit from a clearer organization of ideas and better transition between paragraphs.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

383 words

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Is fast food to blame for obesity in society or is gaining too much weight the responsibility of the individual? What factors contribute to obesity? Why do you think that children are becoming obese?

Word Count

Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. Others believe that online learning is more effective. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Universities should accept equal number of males and females students in every subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.