IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, such as sky diving and rock climbing.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #ban #sports #sky #rock
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Nowadays, people are more interested in dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
which
Correct word choice
and
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 have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of thought that should the government need to
ban
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 or not.
However
Linking Words
, in every
Use synonyms
sports
Change to a singular noun
sport
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 have
danger
Use synonyms
 side in itself so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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if we set the rules well enough to protect the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who
play
Change the verb form
plays
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 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 it is much better than
Use synonyms
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 away. In my opinion, I
am totally disagree
Change the verb form
totally disagree
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 to
ban
Use synonyms
 any risky
sports
Use synonyms
 and I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
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 point of view below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
thatare
Correct your spelling
that are
 dangerous so if the government create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rules to support
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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sports
Use synonyms
 well will be able to protect the dangerous and risky
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.
Sports
Use synonyms
 itself has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 side in most of them so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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if the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
proper rules or regulations that will make
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 become
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
 to play or able
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protect the person who played
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will be a better
ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
way
show examples
 than just
Use synonyms
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, American football
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the rule that player need to wear helmet or
body guard
Correct your spelling
bodyguard
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 to protect themselves from
teckel
Correct your spelling
tackle
 in the game.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is better to make
dangerous
Correct pronoun usage
it dangerous
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from
Change preposition
for
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 are limited persons to play it. Some of the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 are very
Use synonyms
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 to let any
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 able to play
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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if we could set the age limit or consent form to play the
sports
Use synonyms
 might able to
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 certain
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 from playing that
sports
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, sky
driving
Correct your spelling
diving
show examples
,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we set a strong regulation that one who
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to play
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to age over 21 and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to sign a consent form before playing the
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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. It might be the way
reduce
Fix the infinitive
to reduce
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 a person
to play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 it and might able to
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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danger
Use synonyms
 from it because people who want to play
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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neded
Correct your spelling
needed
need
 to know that
themself
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
readdy
Correct your spelling
ready
 for the sport. In conclusion, in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 people have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in
such
Linking Words
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 even very young kids that have
saw
Change the verb form
seen
sawed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
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 movies.
However
Linking Words
, if the government organise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 well enough
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the reasons above the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 able to be decreased in the future.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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