some children spend ours everyday on their smartphones whiy is this the case; Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

These days the majority of adolescents are given
smartphones
by their parents, even some kindergartens have them. I believe that there are drawbacks and
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
to using
smartphones
. I will present both perspectives and write down the conclusion
at the end
of
this
essay.
To begin
with, several professors agree that these young generations hold some kind of device like
smartphones
, tablets and laptops.
This
is large because they can embrace those stuff
so
Rephrase
more
show examples
easily than any adults. By taking these devices without obstacles they can learn and comprehend something that they want to study
such
as science, math and language. They can access any information they have intrigue in daily life on the internet,
such
as a Chat.
For example
, my younger sister is from the young generation and is significantly
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
at using a smartphone. When she has s question regardless of school and home, just search for it directly.
Moreover
, she can concentrate on studying ever than before because she can look up knowledge she wants to know by herself without the teacher’s compelling academics.
This
process will shape a child’s initiative and lead her to acquire a self-learning way by tackling electric devices.
As a result
, we don’t need to make any resistance to
children
who hope to take a smartphone.
On the other hand
, others totally disagree with it because there are certainly disadvantages when they hold electric devices. They argue that
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
affects
Verb problem
have
show examples
an intensive effect on
children
and
this
level, receiving negative effects, is the same as eating drugs by losing their concentration ability.
For instance
, an article about the relationship range between
children
and
smartphones
shows that when kids spend time watching short-form contacts their brains get wreck toward losing concentration.
Consequently
, they have a strong hindrance to stopping their
using
Wrong verb form
use of
show examples
smartphones
. In conclusion, both aspects have positive and negative factors about
children
with
smartphones
and I think If they can adjust it by themselves, those would show a good influence.
Submitted by daye9114 on

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task response
Your essay provides a basic response to the question, but it lacks depth and analysis. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the question and provide a more detailed and comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved. Try to provide a clearer and more engaging introduction that sets up the essay's structure and purpose, and ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a final perspective on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Social media influence
  • Peer pressure
  • Educational apps
  • Connectivity
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cybersafety
  • Screen time
  • Parental controls
  • Content consumption
  • Cognitive development
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Age-appropriate content
  • Social skills
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