The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The bar chart below compares the Australian participants who participate in physical activity

Change preposition

apply

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according to

six

age

categories in the year 2010.

Overall

, it was apparent that women who have

age

Correct article usage

an age

show examples

more than 25 tended to prefer doing physical

activitiy

Correct your spelling

activity

activities

rather than men. Reversely,

however

, the opposite was true for men under 24.

In the

Change preposition

The

show examples

youngest male(15 to 24) presented

the

Correct article usage

show examples

huge amount of ratio, which was 52.8%.

However

, the

male's

Change noun form

male

show examples

tendency experienced a decrease between

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

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25 to 34 and 35 to 44, which was 42.2% and 39.5% respectively. After reduction, the data showed a slight

increasing

Replace the word

increase

show examples

from

moddle-aged

Correct your spelling

middle-aged

module-aged

adults to old-aged adults male.

On the other hand

, 47.7% of young

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

around 15-24 were involved in

exercise

Add an article

the exercise

an exercise

show examples

whereas

it increased gradually to reach the peak between

Correct article usage

the 45

show examples

to 54

age

group. It remained stable during the next group and reached a low of 47.1% at 65 and over.

Submitted by Jeyul on Thu Apr 20 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

151 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what are the possible solutions?

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, think that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Teenagers should have regulare exams at secondary school as this will prepare them better for life after leaving school. Do you agree or disagree?