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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business as people drive to the bigger city stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to shops outside the city, which may lead to increased use of cars. Do you think the advantages of this change outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #town-centre #shops #business #people #drive #city #stores #cars #access #change
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At present,
due to
Linking Words
 the growing urbanisation in most countries, people tend to work and live in metropolitans,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 causes shopping malls or independent
stores
Use synonyms
 located in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
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less populated areas to close, and the commercial market is gradually dominated by large companies. As far as I am concerned,
that is
Linking Words
 more beneficial to society. It is trendy that consumers prefer purchasing versatile items in a bigger
city
Use synonyms
 nowadays because they can get whatever they want all at once in multiple
stores
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 in the central business district within walking distance. In Taiwan, millions of citizens living in New Taipei
City
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, but most of them work and spend their leisure time shopping or finding entertainment in Taipei
City
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, the Capital of Taiwan. What's more, the entrepreneurs build premium
stores
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 with abundant products and gorgeous interior decorations to attract clients, and that reduces the cost to
set
Correct article usage
a set
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 amount of local shops in every town.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people in
the
Correct article usage
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remote areas have to drive a long distance to the central business district to satisfy their basic needs for living, and
that is
Linking Words
 harmful to the environment
,
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 because driving a private car would lead to more emissions of greenhouse gas, like carbon dioxide.
However
Linking Words
, there is no need for the suppliers to transport merely a few goods to a remote area to satisfy the demand from small towns, and that could reduce the pollution of delivery as well. All in all, despite the pollution from consumers driving their private cars to
Use synonyms
Add an article
the city
a city
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city
Add the comma(s)
,city
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 might increase, the pollution from companies would decrease, thanks to less distance to deliver products and cost reduction from opening only premium
stores
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are pros and cons to the phenomenon that more
stores
Use synonyms
 are open in the well-developed area, I consider there are more good than bad.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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