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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentages of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011.

The table below shows the percentages of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011.
#percentages #population #age #groups #town #bicycles
The table
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
 the proportion of people who rode bicycles by
age
 and gender in 2011.
Overall
, children under nine years old used the bicycle most in both gender,
While
, middle
age
 people
least
Add a missing verb
were least
show examples
 likely to
rise
Correct your spelling
ride
show examples
 a bicycle.
Additionally
,
Womens
Correct your spelling
women
 tended to cycle more than
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
men during the given period. among
women
Add a comma
,women
show examples
 children under nine years
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
intreast
Correct your spelling
interest
 to ride a bicycle with 51.4%.
However
, with the older groups rates were only 42.2% for teenagers aged from 10 to 17 and 17%
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people aged between 18 and 39. the proportion of 40 to
50 year old
Add a hyphen
50-year-old
show examples
 man
cyclisit
Correct your spelling
cyclist
 was the lowest, at just 12%, The percentage of girls under the
age
nine
Change preposition
of nine
show examples
 who cycled was slightly higher than the man of the same
age
 at 52%.
However
,
Correct article usage
the figue
show examples
figue
Correct your spelling
figure
figures
 for girls aged 10 to 17 was just under
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 quarter. The figure shows
almost
Add an article
the almost
show examples
 similar
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 in the
age
 group of 18 to 39 and more than 40 -59 with 9.7% and 8.0% respectively.
Submitted by madhavansubase on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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