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Band 3

In a recent survey conducted in this country, it was found that up to 20% of twelve year-olds in some schools were showing early signs of nicotine addiction. In the eighteen to twenty year age bracket the percentage was as high as 70%. A large contributing factor to this high level of addiction is attributed to the uncensored TV advertising of cigarettes. For this reason all cigarette advertising should be banned.

#survey #country #twelve #year-olds #schools #signs #nicotine #addiction #eighteen #twenty #year #age #bracket #percentage #factor #level #tv #cigarettes #reason #cigarette
From
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
, surprisingly, many
school age
Add a hyphen
school-age
show examples
people
 can be
addictied
Correct your spelling
addicted
 easily. The result is showed almost 90% of
people
 who are in danger of nicotine addiction ages are twelve years old and from eighteen to twenty years old.
People
 said
TV
 ads
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cigarettes
 are
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 factor. So, they said
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
show examples
 of
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 should be stopped. I strongly think ads
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cigarettes
 should be banned. These days,
advertisings
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 are impacted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
For example
, almost everyone has
TV
Add an article
a TV
show examples
 at home and they spend lots of time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
 programs. When we watch
TV
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 one hour, we can see various kinds of advertisements.
Also
,
advertisings
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
emphsized
Correct your spelling
emphasise
 only
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
show examples
 points of commodities. The warning signs are shown
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 bottom of
page
Correct article usage
the page
show examples
, but it is too small
size
Change preposition
in size
show examples
texts
Fix the agreement mistake
text
show examples
 and disappeared rapidly. Advertisings have
largely
Change the adverb
large
show examples
 effects on both adults and school ages.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 young age, they are hard to
determind
Correct your spelling
determine
 whether it is wrong
and
Correct word choice
or
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 right. So, to reduce addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
, advertising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cigarettes
 should be banned.
It is clear that
 young
people
 can be influenced by
TV
 advertising easier than adults. So, to
Add an article
the precaution
show examples
precaution
Replace the word
precautionary
show examples
of
Change preposition
against
show examples
 nicotine addiction, it is best to get rid of
TV
 advertising of
cigarettes
. Even though uncensored
TV
 advertising of
cigarettes
 is not banned absolutely, we should reduce
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 of advertising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cigarettes
. It will
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 to young
people
 to become smokers.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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