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Band 5.5

Some people say that globalization will lead to a loss of cultural identity. Others think that globalization will result in world peace and harmony. To what extent do you agree with either sentence?

#people #globalization #loss #identity #world #peace #harmony #sentence
Integration of
countries
 made the whole world a single village.
However
, some folks argue that
this
 results in the degradation of the genuineness of
cultures
,
while
 others believe togetherness among
nations
 caters not only for prosperity but
also
 a quick resolution of any issues, if arise
This
 essay will elaborate both views thoroughly with a fair conclusion in the end
To begin
 with, numerous
countries
 perform trade and exchange their ideology with each other. Since a lot of people visit various parts of the globe and explore different
cultures
 a need for common communication arises.
As a result
, though Commerce is inclining, people tend to adopt an easy and middle way to interact in a more productive way, leading to a situation where different
cultures
 are losing their authenticity.
In addition
, adapting to new
cultures
 leads to a blend of different ethics hotspots
for example
, Indians are trying new traditions and rituals of Western
countries
 and doing experiments with whether it is food or dresses.
This
 can form new strata with a new identity and the originality fades away.
On the other hand
, globalisation can handle the fast redressal of concerns between
nations
 and promote harmony. as better understanding is essential for two
nations
 to sort out matters and the increased Interaction between
countries
 promotes
this
 quality. To exemplify it, there is a foreign ministerial department in almost all the
countries
 which deals with the issue of the concerned matter and it
could
Correct your spelling
would
show examples
 not be possible if
such
nations
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not share their interests for stock
therefore
, the proliferation of sharing trades and technology
coupled with
 ideologies promotes equality and better understanding.
To conclude
, I agree that globalisation is crucial for world peace and prosperity to stop
although
 there are some undeniable remedies like cultural laws present
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
overall
 benefits overweight the negative sides.
Submitted by vikas.rundla30 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are well-defined and directly related to the topic. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summarized conclusion are crucial for coherence.
task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed in the response. The essay should present a clear opinion and provide relevant examples to support it. Develop your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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