Young people spend most of their free time in shopping malls . This has many negative impacts on young people and society. do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
residing in different nations have hard contrasting views about teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
time
managment
and Correct your spelling
management
effects
both on the young Correct pronoun usage
its effects
people
and community
. In my Correct article usage
the community
view
no one Add a comma
,view
spend
their free Change the verb form
spends
time
in shopping malls
even young people
should never spend in it. This
essay will touch upon why young man
do not spend their free Fix the agreement mistake
men
time
in shopping malls
.
In the beginning, shopping malls
are not a
best place to get socialized. It is covered with walls so there is no fresh Change the article
the
air
and sun so that this
Change the determiner
these
places
are not a
healthy Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
places
. For examples
, teenagers should spend their Fix the agreement mistake
example
time
in parks, gym
or Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
cafe
for their own Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
benefits
. They are still in a growing age and they need to Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
breath
fresh Replace the word
breathe
air
, or do some exercises in parks rather than sitting in shopping malls
. Therefore
, young human's this
behaviour is not a reasonable
for their health and their own growing process.
Replace the word
reason
On the other hand
, this
action also
Change the verb form
effects
effect
the society. There Replace the word
affect
is
so Change the verb form
are
much
negative impacts on teenagers. Change the quantifier
many
For instance
, in shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
malls
humans can not get socialized too much so Add a comma
,malls
that
new generation would not teach their children to how to talk or treat other humans correctly. In Correct determiner usage
the
this
way
it caused generational Add a comma
,way
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Also
elderly Add a comma
,Also
people
spend most of their time
in parks or open
Add a hyphen
open-air
air
places
so young
Add an article
the young
man
can not speak with them and do not learn Fix the agreement mistake
men
their
Change preposition
about their
experineces
Correct your spelling
experiences
of
life. Change preposition
in
To sum up
there is so much negative effect on society.
In a nutshell, spending time
in shopping malls
is caused serious damaged
to Replace the word
damage
the
both individual and Remove the article
apply
also
for the community. I am
Unnecessary verb
apply
totaly
agree with Correct your spelling
totally
this
statement about negative
effects on young Correct article usage
the negative
people
. Goverments
and parents should encourage the youth Correct your spelling
Governments
people
for spending time
in open
Add a hyphen
open-air
air
places
for their own benefits
.Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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