Young people spend most of their free time in shopping malls . This has many negative impacts on young people and society. do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
people
residing in different nations have hard contrasting views about
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
and
effects
Correct pronoun usage
its effects
show examples
both on the young
people
and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
no one
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
their free
time
in shopping
malls
even young
people
should never spend in it.
This
essay will touch upon why young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
do not spend their free
time
in shopping
malls
. In the beginning, shopping
malls
are not
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best place to get socialized. It is covered with walls so there is no fresh
air
and sun so that
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
places
are not
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
healthy
places
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, teenagers should spend their
time
in parks,
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
or
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. They are still in a growing age and they need to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
fresh
air
, or do some exercises in parks rather than sitting in shopping
malls
.
Therefore
, young human's
this
behaviour is not a
reasonable
Replace the word
reason
show examples
for their health and their own growing process.
On the other hand
,
this
action
also
Change the verb form
effects
show examples
effect
Replace the word
affect
show examples
the society. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
negative impacts on teenagers.
For instance
, in
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
malls
Add a comma
,malls
show examples
humans can not get socialized too much so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
new generation would not teach their children to how to talk or treat other humans correctly. In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
it caused generational
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
elderly
people
spend most of their
time
in parks or
open
Add a hyphen
open-air
show examples
air
places
so
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
can not speak with them and do not learn
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
experineces
Correct your spelling
experiences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life.
To sum up
there is so much negative effect on society. In a nutshell, spending
time
in shopping
malls
is caused serious
damaged
Replace the word
damage
show examples
to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both individual and
also
for the community. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
agree with
this
statement about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
effects on young
people
.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
and parents should encourage the youth
people
for spending
time
in
open
Add a hyphen
open-air
show examples
air
places
for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by basolasli2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: