Young people spend most of their free time in shopping malls . This has many negative impacts on young people and society. do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
people
residing in different nations have hard contrasting views about
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
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time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
and
effects
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its effects
show examples
both on the young
people
and
community
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the community
show examples
. In my
view
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,view
show examples
no one
spend
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spends
show examples
their free
time
in shopping
malls
even young
people
should never spend in it.
This
essay will touch upon why young
man
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men
show examples
do not spend their free
time
in shopping
malls
. In the beginning, shopping
malls
are not
a
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the
show examples
best place to get socialized. It is covered with walls so there is no fresh
air
and sun so that
this
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these
show examples
places
are not
a
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apply
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healthy
places
. For
examples
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example
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, teenagers should spend their
time
in parks,
gym
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gyms
show examples
or
cafe
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cafes
show examples
for their own
benefits
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benefit
show examples
. They are still in a growing age and they need to
breath
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breathe
show examples
fresh
air
, or do some exercises in parks rather than sitting in shopping
malls
.
Therefore
, young human's
this
behaviour is not a
reasonable
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reason
show examples
for their health and their own growing process.
On the other hand
,
this
action
also
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effects
show examples
effect
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affect
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the society. There
is
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are
show examples
so
much
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many
show examples
negative impacts on teenagers.
For instance
, in
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
malls
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,malls
show examples
humans can not get socialized too much so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
new generation would not teach their children to how to talk or treat other humans correctly. In
this
way
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,way
show examples
it caused generational
problem
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problems
show examples
.
Also
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,Also
show examples
elderly
people
spend most of their
time
in parks or
open
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open-air
show examples
air
places
so
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
man
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men
show examples
can not speak with them and do not learn
their
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about their
show examples
experineces
Correct your spelling
experiences
of
Change preposition
in
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life.
To sum up
there is so much negative effect on society. In a nutshell, spending
time
in shopping
malls
is caused serious
damaged
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damage
show examples
to
the
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apply
show examples
both individual and
also
for the community. I
am
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apply
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totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
agree with
this
statement about
negative
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the negative
show examples
effects on young
people
.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
and parents should encourage the youth
people
for spending
time
in
open
Add a hyphen
open-air
show examples
air
places
for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by basolasli2 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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