IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The job market today is very competitive and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A competitive market has led many people
in believing
Change preposition
to believe
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 that it is best for them to choose a
career
Use synonyms
 of study earlier to get a better opportunity later
onwards
Rephrase
on
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 in life. Though
this
Linking Words
 might sound quite pragmatic, I disagree with the above statement for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, children are quite immature and have meagre cognitive abilities at an early age in their lives,
moreover
Linking Words
, they might not have a sense of development and reasoning towards a proper
career
Use synonyms
 path.
This
Linking Words
 means that they lack the judgment of choosing a permanent path earlier in their lives. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, research published by Harvard University says that over 65 per cent of students at an early age are confused and they keep on changing their ideas regarding what they want to become in the future.
Next,
Linking Words
pupils can always learn new skills and abilities later onwards in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
Linking Words
 many short courses being offered and the market being penetrated for new job opportunities,
such
Linking Words
 as IT. In simpler words, skills have become the new currency of the job market and they are available online or offline for a shorter duration of time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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 in technology and science have left many universities with outdated syllabi and they can't keep changing their syllabus each time.
To sum up
Linking Words
, children can always choose a
career
Use synonyms
 later
onwards
Rephrase
on
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,
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of ability to abide by a
career
Use synonyms
 and decide what's best for them. Short courses have given many young aspirants an opportunity to groom their skills and reinvent themselves with better opportunities.
Hence
Linking Words
, In my opinion, I disagree with the above statement

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your position, it can be strengthened by briefly outlining your main points. This provides a roadmap for your readers.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the key points made in your essay succinctly while reaffirming your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Occasionally, your paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using linking words more effectively to connect your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively present a clear opinion, showing that you have a strong stance on the topic.
task achievement
The use of research to support your arguments adds credibility to your essay, which is commendable.
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