IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Smart phones and other similar electronic gadgets have reduced the contact between friends. Discuss how far you agree with this statement.

#phones #gadgets #contact #friends
Most
parents
 give their
children
 whatever they requested
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, and
also
 give
Correct pronoun usage
them then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 freedom to do whatever they like without correcting them or asking them questions about their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
. In my own
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is dangerous to
spoiled
Change the verb
spoil
show examples
 them or
given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them early stage freedom, it may have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
future
 when their
parents
 grow old or they can't longer meet up with their demands.
While
 it's good as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a parent
parents
show examples
parents
 to provide for our
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 needs, it's
also
 bad to give them everything they requested
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in other for prepared them for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and the time of famine.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 that
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 whatever their
children
 requested for l, may expose them to
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 bad gangs or stealing if something happens to
such
parents
 or they lost their job. And the income isn't coming like before, and their
children
 are already used to the lifestyle of getting whatever they requested from their
parents
. It will be difficult for
such
children
 to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their new way of living.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 it's very dangerous to allow our
children
 to get whatever they requested
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and give them early freedom to do whatever they like.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 younger generation
love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
show examples
 to keep different friends and if they keep bad friends, it will surely influence them to join
bad
Add an article
the bad
a bad
show examples
 gang and they can form a deadly gang if we don't correct or ask them questions about what they do or where they go to, it may damage their
future
. And may
also
 have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 effect on their
parents
 when they grow old, cause at that time there will be no strength to control and put them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right part again.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, it's bad as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Correct the article-noun agreement
parent
show examples
 to
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
children
 whatever they ask for or want and allow them to do whatever they like without checking or correcting them for their
future
 sake.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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