IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, children below 18 spend all their leisure watching television, is it beneficial or not, give your opinion.

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It is a common practice these days for
the
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apply
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young ones below 18 to spend most of their leisure time watching
television
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.
Although
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 the act of watching
television
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 by these youngsters has great benefits one of which is making them creative,
however
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, the
over indulgence
Correct your spelling
overindulgence
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of
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in
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this
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 practice can have lots of negative effects on their mindset which
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the benefits.
This
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 essay will help expose these negative  issues in my subsequent paragraphs with examples and help bring it to a logical conclusion To start with, lots of merits
exists
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exist
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 on
children
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's interest in watching
television
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 at their leisure one of
most
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the most
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 is the ability to broaden their intellect. An example is my
neice
Correct your spelling
niece
 who was exposed to cartoon channels very early in
life
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 as a form of distraction, she grew up always on
this
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 channel, and naturally developed
foreign
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a foreign
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 accent as she learnt to talk.  She was made to present a valedictory speech during their graduation
last
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 year, she was so  bold and in command of her English to the amazement of all
parents
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 at just
6years
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6 years
 old
However
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, despite
this
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 beautiful result, it has been recorded
of
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apply
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the many negative vices resulting from
over indulgence
Correct your spelling
overindulgence
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to
Change preposition
in
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television
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 by these youngsters, many of which have led to serious negative impacts which have led me to the conclusion that the demerits outrank the merits. In my solution, I will
advice
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advise
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 that
parents
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 should activate and strictly maintain
the
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parental guidance control on all their electronic gadgets.
On the other hand
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, it has been observed that excessive exposure to
television
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 viewing by
the
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apply
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young ones
have
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has
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 recorded lots of negative
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life changing
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life-changing
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 experiences at their very tender ages. Most
parents
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 who care less about
the
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apply
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parental control activation have had their
children
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 exposed to phonographic and violent scenes. A very traumatic example was that of a family whose 7years old twin
children
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 were caught in the act of incest which was a result of what they watched. These young
children
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 were taken through rigorous therapeutic sessions to see how to remedy the evil act,
however
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, the damage is done and will leave them and their
parents
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 with trauma all through
life
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. I will like
to conclude
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 that though there
exists
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exist
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 merits in regards to watching
of
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apply
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television
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 by
the
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apply
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youngsters at their leisure, it can only be seen that
the
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apply
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overindulgence
on
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
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 more negative
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life impacting
Add a hyphen
life-impacting
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 effects as have been  mentioned, so I maintain that parental control should be taken seriously.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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