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Band 2.5

Some people say that with the development of modern technology, printed books, newspapers and magazines lose their importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #development #technology #books #newspapers #magazines #importance
Nowadays youngsters are of a mindset to dress and behave like celebrities.
This
 essay will elaborate on how the quest for fame and recognition is responsible for
such
act
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acts
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 and could lead to stealing among youths. The famous in
the
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apply
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society are been imitated by young individuals,
this
 trend among the youths is
as
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apply
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a result of them
been
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being
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 noticed, respected and
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognised
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 among peers in
there
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their
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 community, most of the youngsters choose to follow
this
 popular and reigning people as their role
model
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models
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 because they
are use
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are used
are using
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 to viewing them on T. V program seeing how the celebrities dress, talk and portray themselves in movies,the young ones would want to
mimick
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mimic
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 them so that their peers can
also
 rate them high,
for instance
 in a small town where approximately 500 male youth lives and behave like a popular actor they have watched on
movie
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the movie
a movie
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,thereby draping and behaving like them.
However
,
this
 has made the youngsters
wanting
Wrong verb form
want
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 to engage in various negative
act
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acts
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 just to
met
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meet
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 up with the demand they impose on themselves by accepting to
mimick
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mimic
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celebraties
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celebrities
,thereby stealing from their parents and
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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.
In
addition
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addition,
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 it has
also
 brought about some
set back
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setbacks
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 in their
life's
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lives
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 because in
situation
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situations
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 where crime is
committed
Add a comma
committed,
show examples
 the law takes effect on them. In conclusion,the habits of dressing and behaving like famous people among youth has
also
 brought about
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in crime.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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task response
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt, and the main ideas are not clearly developed.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of clear introduction and conclusion. The essay does not show a clear progression of ideas and lacks coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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