IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that with the development of modern technology, printed books, newspapers and magazines lose their importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #development #technology #books #newspapers #magazines #importance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays youngsters are of a mindset to dress and behave like celebrities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on how the quest for fame and recognition is responsible for
such
Linking Words
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 and could lead to stealing among youths. The famous in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are been imitated by young individuals,
this
Linking Words
 trend among the youths is
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of them
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 noticed, respected and
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognised
show examples
 among peers in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 community, most of the youngsters choose to follow
this
Linking Words
 popular and reigning people as their role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 because they
are use
Change the verb form
are used
are using
show examples
 to viewing them on T. V program seeing how the celebrities dress, talk and portray themselves in movies,the young ones would want to
mimick
Correct your spelling
mimic
show examples
 them so that their peers can
also
Linking Words
 rate them high,
for instance
Linking Words
 in a small town where approximately 500 male youth lives and behave like a popular actor they have watched on
movie
Add an article
the movie
a movie
show examples
,thereby draping and behaving like them.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 has made the youngsters
wanting
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to engage in various negative
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 just to
met
Change the form of the verb
meet
show examples
 up with the demand they impose on themselves by accepting to
mimick
Correct your spelling
mimic
show examples
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
,thereby stealing from their parents and
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 it has
also
Linking Words
 brought about some
set back
Correct your spelling
setbacks
show examples
 in their
life's
Change noun form
lives
show examples
 because in
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 where crime is
committed
Add a comma
committed,
show examples
 the law takes effect on them. In conclusion,the habits of dressing and behaving like famous people among youth has
also
Linking Words
 brought about
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in crime.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt, and the main ideas are not clearly developed.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of clear introduction and conclusion. The essay does not show a clear progression of ideas and lacks coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: