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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
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One of the social concerns today relates to
university
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education
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.
While
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 it is commonly thought that the aim of
university
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education
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 is to help
graduates
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 get better
jobs
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, others believe it brings wider
benefits
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 for both individuals and
society
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. I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion,
college
Correct article usage
a college
show examples
education
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 has a
lot
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 of advantages for the
graduates
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 and
society
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. On the one hand, it is argued that the aim of
university
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education
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 is to help
graduates
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 get better
jobs
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.
Firstly
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, they have a
lot
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 of knowledge and more opportunities at work. It is
also
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 possible to say that it is easy for them to find
jobs
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 that match their qualifications.
Secondly
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,
graduates
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 can have many promotion opportunities to higher positions
such
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 as team leaders or managers.
For example
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, many CEOs say that they often promote those who graduate from
university
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 because they believe these
graduates
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 can have enough knowledge and skills.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that
university
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education
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 brings wider
benefits
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 of
university
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education
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 for both individuals and
society
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. People often have
this
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 opinion because knowledge will help people think well and contribute to the development of
society
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. A second point is that after graduation, a student often has a wide social network which can help him or her a
lot
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 in the future working life.
For example
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, my friend has just started a company and most of his clients are his classmates at
university
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. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that the aim of a
university
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education
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 is to help
graduates
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 get better
jobs
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, meanwhile, others assume that it offers wider
benefits
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 of a
university
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education
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 for both individuals and
society
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. Personally, I tend to believe that learning at
university
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 can help students gain a
lot
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 of
benefits
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, not only
jobs
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.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and the main points are fully developed. The essay introduces different views and your personal opinion, which is good, but you should provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure, with an introduction and conclusion. However, to improve cohesion, you should ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and make better use of cohesive devices. Avoid abrupt jumps between ideas to enhance the flow of your argument.
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