IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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During
Change preposition
For
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 thousand
years
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of years
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art
Use synonyms
 is part of
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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live
Replace the word
lives
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.
Art
Use synonyms
 is quite
abstractive
Replace the word
abstract
show examples
 and wide definition.
Art
Use synonyms
 is
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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our
Change preposition
of our
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live
Replace the word
lives
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 from drawing
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 on the sand
till
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to
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 modern buildings.
Art
Use synonyms
 influences
on
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apply
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our
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and in general can
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the quality of our
life
Use synonyms
.
Art
Use synonyms
relate
Correct subject-verb agreement
relates
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
society
Correct word choice
and society
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relate
Change the verb form
relates
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 to the
government
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. All of them are connected. Individuals of
society
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 pay fees to the
government
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,
these
Change the determiner
this money
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money
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go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 to internal and external economic, military staff,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public services and different others. State
money
Use synonyms
 distribution is
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
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 task that should be solved by wisdom
society
Use synonyms
. Music, theatre, paintings,
monuments
Correct word choice
and monuments
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 are part of our environment.
Use synonyms
Government
Add an article
A government
The government
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 that
take
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takes
show examples
 care
about
Change preposition
of
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 its population can invest
money
Use synonyms
 in
art
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
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 citizen to fill
theirself
Correct your spelling
their self
 better
while
Linking Words
 going to work, or walking with friends.
Art
Use synonyms
 takes care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our souls. Spending time in opera or theatre can
be invest
Change the verb form
be invested
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 in
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 mood and productive work. If people have opportunities to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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rest not only on
sofa
Add an article
the sofa
a sofa
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 near the TV at home
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but cultural rest in
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 or conservatory, the quality of their
life
Use synonyms
 will increase.
Art
Use synonyms
 can decrease the level of depression and anxiety, which can lead to
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 development.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 can invest any
money
Use synonyms
 in the arts to improve
cultural
Add an article
the cultural
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 level and psychological status of the population.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 public health need investment, as other public services. Because of
this
Linking Words
, some people think that
government
Use synonyms
 investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. Politicians who think so wouldn’t take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 important part of our
life
Use synonyms
.
Combination
Correct article usage
A combination
show examples
 of
art
Use synonyms
 and social investment is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
this
Linking Words
 task. How to figure out what percentage should be spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 is another discussionable question.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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