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Band 4.5

Some people think that success is the best way to measure intelligence. Others believe that it can be measured through other useful parameters. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #measure #intelligence #parameters
Thinking with own mind is one of the most powerful tools human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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possesses
Wrong verb form
possess
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 in order to carry out
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. Based on
this
, it is important to split how humans can think in two different ways, the rational and
irrational
Correct article usage
the irrational
show examples
. When we talk about rational feelings, we consider every action people do in
every
Change the word
their
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 daily
life
,
such
 as in a
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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, the second one is related to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instinctive behaviour of the human being,
such
 as anxiety, love and so on. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I want to highlight how intelligence is deeply related to thinking, both rational and irrational, and
thus
 create the starting point for success.
Create
Wrong verb form
Creating
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 a strong mindset in our
life
 is one of the major
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
show examples
 for a better
life
.
However
, not all people can reach
this
 goal since it is needed to strongly focus own attention
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 details and future
plannings
Replace the word
plans
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, which are given by a rational way of thinking, and in our
life
 there are a lot of distractions that can deviate from
this
 path. The second reason to support my idea is related to the feelings a human being can develop, which
instead
Rephrase
apply
show examples
are connected to the irrational part of people.
For example
, a good relationship with
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 or an extraordinary family
life
 can enhance in an excellent way job performances, developing possible
successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
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. Definitely, when
human
Correct article usage
a human
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 being wants to reach success in
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
life
, first of
all
Add the comma(s)
all,
show examples
 he/she has to focus his/her attention on thinking to plan
life
 in every aspect, and a man or woman
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 thinks in
this
 direction is connected to intelligence, more intelligent a person is, more extraordinary is his/her
life
 reaching out the success.
Submitted by dave.mero.0794 on

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task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the question and provides a clear position. Develop each idea in a balanced manner and avoid ambiguity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a more consistent and organized structure for your essay. Use clear and appropriate linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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