The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions.

Correct article usage
The numbers
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Numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
Number
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of obese people especially the young ones has increased rapidly in many developed countries. Recent statistics demonstrate to
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
show examples
rate is growing gradually and governments are
concerning
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
about that. In my opinion,
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
junk
food consumption so the most beneficial ways to handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
obesity
is
do
Correct your spelling
to
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not eat these types of meals and do sports. First of all,
junk
foods
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
one of the most pivotal reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
in developed countries because they have significant
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
power
such
as
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States of America.
For instance
, medical researches give information about that the fat, spice, and other materials which are inserted in
junk
foods
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
healthy and
dangereous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
for
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
body. Some companies claim that their goods
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
healthy and does not cause
obesity
but experts say the meal
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
in industrial production stages
is not have
Change the verb form
does not have
show examples
a chance of
healthy
Add a missing verb
being healthy
show examples
. To make it clear,
junk
foods
are extremely effective
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
obesity
also
not only
junk
foods
but
also
all packaged meals have harmful impacts. Eating healthy
foods
and doing sports is
basic
Add an article
a basic
the basic
show examples
and crucial key to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
this
problem. As an illustration,
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
only healthy
foods
and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
sports regularly create a not obese person with
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
body because not every
normal weight
Add a hyphen
normal-weight
show examples
person is healthy. The pivotal point
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
being
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
individual is
gain
Fix the infinitive
to gain
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vitamins and minerals from
naturel
Correct your spelling
natural
foods
.
To sum up
,
obesity
is
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
important issue for society in
imrpoved
Correct your spelling
improved
countries. With the improvement
technology
Change preposition
in technology
show examples
and artificial
foods
,
obesity
will
be include
Change the verb form
include
show examples
other disease
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
show examples
such
as high heart tension and blood pressure. If it happened future eras will extremely suffer that.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dramatically
  • prevalence
  • addictive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • gadgets
  • exertion
  • awareness
  • balanced diet
  • incorporate
  • nutritional education
  • facilitating
  • impose
  • regulations
  • restricting
  • promote
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