The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions.
Correct article usage
The numbers
Numbers
of obese people especially the young ones has increased rapidly in many developed countries. Recent statistics demonstrate to Fix the agreement mistake
Number
Use synonyms
obesity
rate is growing gradually and governments are Correct article usage
the obesity
concerning
about that. In my opinion, Wrong verb form
concerned
main
reason is Add an article
the main
that
Correct word choice
apply
junk
food consumption so the most beneficial ways to handle Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
obesity
is Use synonyms
do
not eat these types of meals and do sports.
First of all, Correct your spelling
to
junk
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
is
one of the most pivotal reasons Change the verb form
are
of
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
obesity
in developed countries because they have significant Use synonyms
manufacture
power Replace the word
manufacturing
such
as Linking Words
United
States of America. Correct article usage
the United
For instance
, medical researches give information about that the fat, spice, and other materials which are inserted in Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
not
healthy and Add a missing verb
are not
dangereous
for Correct your spelling
dangerous
human
body. Some companies claim that their goods Add an article
the human
is
healthy and does not cause Change the verb form
are
obesity
but experts say the meal Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
make
in industrial production stages Wrong verb form
made
is not have
a chance of Change the verb form
does not have
healthy
. To make it clear, Add a missing verb
being healthy
junk
Use synonyms
foods
are extremely effective Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
for
obesity
Use synonyms
also
not only Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
foods
but Use synonyms
also
all packaged meals have harmful impacts.
Eating healthy Linking Words
foods
and doing sports is Use synonyms
basic
and crucial key to Add an article
a basic
the basic
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
this
problem. As an illustration, Linking Words
consume
only healthy Wrong verb form
consuming
foods
and Use synonyms
do
sports regularly create a not obese person with Wrong verb form
doing
healthy
body because not every Correct article usage
a healthy
normal weight
person is healthy. The pivotal point Add a hyphen
normal-weight
that
being Add a missing verb
is that
healthy
individual is Add an article
a healthy
gain
vitamins and minerals from Fix the infinitive
to gain
naturel
Correct your spelling
natural
foods
.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
obesity
is Use synonyms
huge
important issue for society in Add an article
a huge
imrpoved
countries. With the improvement Correct your spelling
improved
technology
and artificial Change preposition
in technology
foods
, Use synonyms
obesity
will Use synonyms
be include
Change the verb form
include
other disease
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
such
as high heart tension and blood pressure. If it happened future eras will extremely suffer that.Linking Words
Submitted by gokturkmustafaa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.