IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
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The bar charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
remained
Correct pronoun usage
who remained
show examples
 without
full-time
Add an article
a full-time
show examples
 position after finishing
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
college in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 around 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it's evident that patterns for both categories are similar.
Also
Linking Words
,
future
Add an article
the future
a future
show examples
 study was considered to be the most important option,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was the least popular one. In 2008,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 study
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
estimated 29,665 graduate UK
students
Use synonyms
, being almost three times higher than the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the former for postgraduates was 2,725 people,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 number of
students
Use synonyms
picked
Correct pronoun usage
who picked
show examples
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
 was 2535, being almost the same. Unemployment and voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 were similar for both types of
students
Use synonyms
.The figure for
further
Linking Words
 study accounted for
third
Add an article
the third
a third
show examples
 part of
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
 number,
while
Linking Words
vuluntary
Correct your spelling
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, being the least popular choice, comprised only one-sixth of the total amount.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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