The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions.

First of all, I would like to tell you about something which is the most important thing in our life.
Health
issues have increased parallel in developed
countries
, what I mean is that developed
countries
have a number of
health
problems compared to undeveloped
countries
.
According to
investigators,
Countries
with advanced technology tend to cause more heart, obesity, and physical problems. In
this
essay, I will discuss some possible reasons and suggestions. As we all know, teenagers who have a lot of opportunities
such
as technology, transportation, and
also
money usually do not consider their
nutrition
. They can order meals, and junk food without any hardness. We can say that they usually spent their time in school, education, and
also
on the computers.
In addition
, we should not judge them because time is changed. If we think about undeveloped
countries
such
as Africa, we can see their obesity rates are incredibly low. Because they cannot even have enough
nutrition
, they are usually thin but still have other
health
problems. At
this
point, we have to consider how can we fix our
nutrition
. Government should share a lot of advertisements about obesity on TV and social platform, and human
health
issues should be checked frequently. Some people should be banned
Change preposition
from
show examples
junk food, and
also
the importance of
nutrition
should be explained to them.
To sum up
, our
health
is so vital to us, we have to protect it. Every folk wants to eat some junk food, delicious meal, but one thing we have to consider, sometimes it's might too late for everything. I firmly believe that one day every individual will understand the importance of
health
.
Submitted by celil--1907 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dramatically
  • prevalence
  • addictive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • gadgets
  • exertion
  • awareness
  • balanced diet
  • incorporate
  • nutritional education
  • facilitating
  • impose
  • regulations
  • restricting
  • promote
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