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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Employes sometimes ask people applying for jobs or personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employes #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interest
In recent times, there are so many criteria from the
company
 to require
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. Start from education and personal
information
. Some people think
this
 is important but others people think it is not useful. Is applying personal
information
 can help we easier to get a job ?
However
, I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
applying
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
 personal
information
 because so important to know about
someone
Change noun form
someone's
show examples
 track record or background.
Firstly
, the
company
 nowadays
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
 selective to require
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who can
work
 in their
company
becauseso
Correct your spelling
because so
because
 many
crime
Change to a plural noun
crimes
show examples
 happen. The
company
 want to know about
personal
Add an article
the personal
show examples
information
 because
that is
 important to know good or bad someone background.
On the other hand
, with the personal
information
 the
company
 can know about your value and your personality.
For example
, I have experience at my
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 before. There is
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 in
other unit
Change the wording
another unit
other units
show examples
 that
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 for claim payment, he worked for two years. After two years the horrible thing happened he cheated by
over claimed
Add a hyphen
over-claimed
show examples
 the payment without the boss
knew
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
. Unfortunately, the owner of the
company
 did not research at the beginning about him. My owner did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his workplace before and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact he did the same thing.
Furthermore
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowing about
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 can increase miss communication and can make good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 like
workmate
Fix the agreement mistake
workmates
show examples
,
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
 and other staff. To have a good and long conversation at the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 it is important life we have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 personality and hobbies.
Moreover
,
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 about the status
married
Change preposition
of married
show examples
 or single
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 because there are some
company
 very strict about that.
For example
, around my
place
Add a comma
,place
show examples
 a lot of companies especially
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the showroom
show examples
showroom
Fix the agreement mistake
showrooms
show examples
 just require for single woman/man in the marketing unit. The reason because they can
work
 overtime without family
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. In conclusion, to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 crime
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the workplace and have a good relationship the personal
information
 very important for the
company
. In the future, the
company
 must be strict about personal
information
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better development.
Submitted by srianggreni0802 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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