IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment to address it at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #people #address #stage #environment #level
Living in the world we cannot set aside the problem
arises
Correct pronoun usage
that arises
show examples
 about the
environment
. Environmental is still
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 concern for many
countries
 to cope with, even though the
government
 in any country have made the policy to address with big effort but the problems still not to be clear
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Here, I believe that
government
 should participate international state community to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication with other
countries
 to solve the problems together. To start with, in individual
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
government
 is obligated to solve the
issue
 happening to satisfy the right of
society
 but the
issue
 that always
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 attention
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
However
, the
society
 itself still not to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the condition of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,
for instance
, the pollution as the effect of using the carbon emission vehicle.
In addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have made
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 campaign to the community to look after the effect using carbon emission
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 it is not effective to address
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all by itself. Alternatively,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 in a particular country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 still
survive
Correct subject-verb agreement
survives
show examples
 to overcome the environmental
issue
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
propose to have an international
organization
 which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 other
countries
 to join in to enable the
society
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big campaign as we know nowadays
such
 as WWF (World wide fund nature) since having participation with
international
Add an article
the international
an international
show examples
organization
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 would get the more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 as the
organization
 could influence the attention from
society
To sum up
, I contend that it has a big opportunity to protect the
environment
 if
government
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
collaboration with other
countries
 to address the
issue
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 by joining the international
organization
that is
 WWF
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would attract followers to be engaged.
Submitted by farel2300 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: