IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, the debate about how much payment should be given to the employee is becoming increasingly an argumentative issue. Some
people
Use synonyms
said
Wrong verb form
say
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 that workers, who have graduated from university, should gain a salary higher than employees,who are not. In
this
Linking Words
 ,
eassy
Correct your spelling
easy
essay
 I absutuerly agree with
this
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 statement because
people
Use synonyms
 who have a
degree
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 are guaranteed that they learnt and spent more money to have the
degree
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. Undeniably, employees, who have finished university, have evidence
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 learning in need fields. Not only in theoretical terms
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 in practical terms.
For instance
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, My friend who graduated with an electrical engineering
degree
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,
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to do a laboratory of electric circuits before getting a job. When he works, he shows potential and the manager must not teach him a lot about the process.
Thus
Linking Words
, workers, who have certification, are guaranteed that they learnt many things that relate to their fields.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employees, who have a
degree
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, spent plenty of money on education apart from study fees there were accommodation and transportation they had to pay.
As well as
Linking Words
, buying materials and taking private courses.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their job must be more difficult than others. For ,example engineers build infrastructure, which is a critical job. For these reasons, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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justice to give these
people
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 more salary than others. In conclusion,
people
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, who have a certificate, are guaranteed that they have much knowledge in the field. They deserve to have more wages than other
people
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, who have not.
However
Linking Words
, leaders should concentrate on the historical profile and consequences of their jobs. These are reasons why I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to strengthen the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger link between the introduction and conclusion to create a more cohesive essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
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