IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #university #education #work #car #mechanics #builders #society
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University
Use synonyms
 is a place for the student who has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
graduated from high school to gain
further
Linking Words
 knowledge and education.
While
Linking Words
 others may think that
university
Use synonyms
 is not always worth it to society. I personally do not agree with the
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 opinion to pursue young
people
Use synonyms
 to work as car mechanics or builders
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
university
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, In today’s era, the parents of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students have always wanted their children to get
the
Correct article usage
a
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degree
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 with the reason for a better future, meanwhile, there are some
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 is not always worth
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their child because they argue if
people
Use synonyms
 with the
degree
Use synonyms
 are not able to work as mechanism and will not care about the community. In fact,
people
Use synonyms
 who go to
university
Use synonyms
 especially own a technical
degree
Use synonyms
 are more capable work as
mechanism
Correct article usage
a mechanism
show examples
 and have
a better knowledge
Remove the article
better knowledge
a piece of better knowledge
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 than they do not.
In addition
Linking Words
, educated
people
Use synonyms
 have more
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure from their
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
 and
university
Use synonyms
 environment that they are better prepared to serve society,
Moreover
Linking Words
, they know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exactly what the impact
if
Add a missing verb
is if
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 something is going wrong and what to do to anticipate the wrong impact as mechanics or builder since they are educated. In conclusion, I would reaffirm my stance
that is
Linking Words
 better for
people
Use synonyms
 should go to
university
Use synonyms
 to acquire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more knowledge
this
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 with official educated from the
university
Use synonyms
 they are legit, competent and
also
Linking Words
 ready to perform their ability to serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
Submitted by farel2300 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • vocational training
  • skillset
  • employment landscape
  • economic contributions
  • hands-on experience
  • critical thinking skills
  • practical knowledge
  • tuition fees
  • trade professions
  • essential workforce
  • academic qualifications
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