Nowadays the internet and smartphones are being used by public in order to transfer money to friends, family and businesses

Nowadays the internet and smartphones are being used by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
in order to transfer
money
to friends, family and businesses. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
is one of the greatest development in human history, mainly because it was
game
Add an article
a game
show examples
changer for many banks. There are some reasons why
this
is a positive development. For one, online banking is indeed
environmentally
Add an article
an environmentally
the environmentally
show examples
friendly type of banking, since it doesn't require
paperwork's
Change noun form
paperwork
show examples
while
transferring
money
or keeping data about bank accounts.
Due to all
Change preposition
All
show examples
processes happen on servers and the data
kept
Add a missing verb
is kept
show examples
on virtual clouds.
Moreover
, online banking can be used
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
it is needed,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
,words
show examples
it is available 24/7.
Also
, there are
cashbacks
Correct your spelling
cashback
, special offers and discounts that can be convenient for many individuals.
Besides
, using the internet to transfer
money
to others can be
truly
Add an article
a truly
the truly
show examples
Correct article usage
a timesaving
show examples
timesaving
Correct your spelling
time-saving
show examples
way to do
this
task, and can be helpful to many companies.
Nevertheless
, online banking is not perfect yet. For the reason that it has some big problems with security. It is much easier for hackers and scammers to steal a person's
money
online than doing it in real life.
For example
, they can send fake messages where a person will have to enter his bank account data,
then
it will be a piece of cake for a criminal to take all the
money
from the victim's online wallet.
In addition
, a person's
money
can just disappear all because of the bank's server's errors that may happen
due to
power cuts or system
shut downs
Correct your spelling
shutdowns
show examples
.
Hopefully
Add a comma
,Hopefully
show examples
if
this
issues
Change the determiner
issue
show examples
occurs, there are moderators who can solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
. Online banking is
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
good tool for everyone in
this
era of technology.
Submitted by bexzodraxmatillayev2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: