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Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
People
use
Wrong verb form
have used
show examples
 social
media
 a lot during the
last
 few decades. And there is a big probability that it could have a bad impact on the ability to form relationships with social
media
 users. It is agreed that
people
 can get a negative influence from social
media
. Facebook, Instagram and so on have influenced not anyone in a good way on bloggers,
due to
 bullying. As I mentioned before bullying makes up an essential part of social
media
, and for
this
 ,reason the majority of
people
 prefer to lie about their lifestyle, habits, and generally about their life. ,
Also
 I would like to mention that, there have been lots of
people
 on the social
media
 platform who imitated that they have various kinds of diseases for the subscribes and money.
Although
 the minority of
people
 prefer to show their true face of themselves, I mean they are not lying about their life (but usually they receive a big amount of bullying, for showing that they are not perfect). For
this
 ,reason the majority of
people
 have problems with the acceptance of their lifestyle or body (they think that that they are not good enough, because they compare themselves with those bloggers).
Also
, young
people
 prefer spending all their leisure time on social
media
, rather than with real-life
people
 (with their family, relatives or friends). And
this
 leads to problems with forming relationships with other
people
. Because they have become more introverted. Those
people
 are used to social
media
, talking with
people
 through those platforms, but not in real life. That means they will probably have difficulties communicating with other
people
 and making friends. In conclusion, I concur
to think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that social
media
 leads to communication problems, not accepting themselves
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Submitted by Ayan on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by structuring it with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each main point is supported with relevant examples and explanations.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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