IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and starting a university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #school #university #studies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is now encouraged in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries for the
just graduated
Add a hyphen
just-graduated
show examples
 Secondary
school
Use synonyms
 leavers to take a tour outside their homes or to be gainfully employed before furthering their education.
This
Linking Words
 actually is a good
way
Use synonyms
 of exposing the children to the outside world different from the
way
Use synonyms
 they were brought up or view things and
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 enables them to have a sense of responsibility for their upkeep.
This
Linking Words
 essay tends to explain more on the positive effect
this
Linking Words
 move will have on the child and
also
Linking Words
 discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the little negativities
this
Linking Words
 might cause for them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, giving a fresh secondary
school
Use synonyms
 leaver opportunity to stay away from his primary place of abode makes the child exposed to the
way
Use synonyms
 things are done differently compared to the usual
way
Use synonyms
 of doing it,
for instance
Linking Words
, a son who only knows boys don't enter the kitchen but to just go out and play football, when he travels to a family who trains her son on how to cook will definitely bring about a positive change in the
life
Use synonyms
 of that boy.
In addition
Linking Words
, when
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 new
school
Use synonyms
 graduands are opportuned to work and earn money, it teaches them
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to curb unnecessary expenses because it opens their eyes to
knowing
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
 that making money in
life
Use synonyms
 is not
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 easy thing as they use to think when they have everything provided for them by their parents.
However
Linking Words
, there could be some negative challenges to
this
Linking Words
 early exposure of the young ones to the task of
life
Use synonyms
 in the sense that, they may not be
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 enough to handle the challenges of
life
Use synonyms
 as it comes their
way
Use synonyms
 and some of the little ones can
also
Linking Words
 get exposed to some immoral acts as they have no close monitoring who
who
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
will watch
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 going out and
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 coming in,
this
Linking Words
 makes them live a free lifestyle. In conclusion, it is a good move for upcoming children to leave their immediate environment after secondary
school
Use synonyms
 before the continuation of another as
this
Linking Words
 opens their eyes to see
life
Use synonyms
 in another dimension and
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them become financially buoyant Early in
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: