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Band 4.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and starting a university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #school #university #studies
It is now encouraged in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries for the
just graduated
Add a hyphen
just-graduated
show examples
 Secondary
school
 leavers to take a tour outside their homes or to be gainfully employed before furthering their education.
This
 actually is a good
way
 of exposing the children to the outside world different from the
way
 they were brought up or view things and
this
also
 enables them to have a sense of responsibility for their upkeep.
This
 essay tends to explain more on the positive effect
this
 move will have on the child and
also
 discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the little negativities
this
 might cause for them.
Firstly
, giving a fresh secondary
school
 leaver opportunity to stay away from his primary place of abode makes the child exposed to the
way
 things are done differently compared to the usual
way
 of doing it,
for instance
, a son who only knows boys don't enter the kitchen but to just go out and play football, when he travels to a family who trains her son on how to cook will definitely bring about a positive change in the
life
 of that boy.
In addition
, when
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 new
school
 graduands are opportuned to work and earn money, it teaches them
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to curb unnecessary expenses because it opens their eyes to
knowing
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
 that making money in
life
 is not
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 easy thing as they use to think when they have everything provided for them by their parents.
However
, there could be some negative challenges to
this
 early exposure of the young ones to the task of
life
 in the sense that, they may not be
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 enough to handle the challenges of
life
 as it comes their
way
 and some of the little ones can
also
 get exposed to some immoral acts as they have no close monitoring who
who
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
will watch
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 going out and
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 coming in,
this
 makes them live a free lifestyle. In conclusion, it is a good move for upcoming children to leave their immediate environment after secondary
school
 before the continuation of another as
this
 opens their eyes to see
life
 in another dimension and
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them become financially buoyant Early in
life
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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