IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in the society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should arts be included in the school's curriculum?

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Arts can be defined as the expression or application of human creative skills and imagination which is mostly appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.It is
Add the comma(s)
, however,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter however. Consider adding the comma(s).

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however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 should be noted that it has many branches which may include music and theatre and I recommend that it should be included in our School exercise. It is not gainsay that
art
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is part of the existence of Man, knowing the fact that man is created with emotional character which of course,has a major role to play in normalising and balancing human thought and emotions In view of the fact that we cannot live our lives without
art
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 as
these
Correct pronoun usage
it

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 is part of our daily
action
Replace the word
activities

The word action doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 that keeps us going.Most people love dancing, singing and even theatre
art
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 in my environment,everyone knows that weekends
is
Change the verb form
are

The verb is does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 known for relaxation,people visit different places like the museums,where they catch their fun
together with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 their families. It is imperative to note that
art
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is part of learning,it is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 important that it should be
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 added
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the school's exercise
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because an adage says all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.There are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of things
that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The verb is does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 important to learn for students to learn,for ,example learning music in schools
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps

It seems that the verb help does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 students to know how to play musical instruments which could help them in the future.Instruments like guitar,
piano
Correct word choice
and piano

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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. In conclusion,I strongly believe that
art
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should be inculcated in our recent lifestyles and it should as well included in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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enlistment in the school's enterprise.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aesthetics
  • Cultural heritage
  • Empathy
  • Creativity
  • Expression
  • Innovation
  • Intellectual stimulation
  • Empathy
  • Fine motor skills
  • Well-rounded education
  • Accessibility
  • Preservation
  • Screen-centered
  • Storytelling
  • Balance
  • Artistic mediums
What to do next:
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