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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart gives information about the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 by various
age
Use synonyms
 groups in the UK on food and drink, restaurant and hotel and
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be noted that the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on food and drink increases as the
age
Use synonyms
 increases.
Entertainment
Use synonyms
 is preferred by the majority of the
age
Use synonyms
 groups
whereas
Linking Words
 the preference for visiting
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 varies differently among all
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Evidently,
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 spend almost 15% on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
, which is the highest.
While
Linking Words
 the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 is equal among
people
Use synonyms
 from 31-60
years
Use synonyms
, the elderly ranging from 61-75
years
Use synonyms
 spend less than 3% on the same.
However
Linking Words
, the population aged above 76
years
Use synonyms
 spend about 7% on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on food and drink is more than 5% by
people
Use synonyms
 in their 20s and keeps increasing with the increasing
age
Use synonyms
 group.
Moreover
Linking Words
, less than 10% of spending is done on
entertainment
Use synonyms
 by
people
Use synonyms
 ranging from
age
Use synonyms
 30 to 60
years
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
 range 61-75 spends almost 23% on
entertainment
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 76+-year-old
people
Use synonyms
 spend around 12% on it.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, age, entertainment, restaurants, hotels, people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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