All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

3.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

Obesity

Use synonyms

is one of

global

Correct article usage

the global

show examples

health

Use synonyms

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

nowadays.

Obesity

Use synonyms

can be suffered by all ages

gender

Correct word choice

and gender

show examples

. There are many factors causing

obesity

Use synonyms

. One of them is

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle. Despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

exercise

Use synonyms

is a treatment to cure and prevent

this

Linking Words

problem.

Body paragraph 1

People

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

era are used to

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle.

Sedentary

Correct article usage

A sedentary

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

is a kind of lifestyle that lack

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

daily activity.

For example

Linking Words

, an employee that

spending

Wrong verb form

spends

show examples

his day only sitting and watching a computer.

Moreover

Linking Words

This

Linking Words

activity is not equal

with

Change preposition

show examples

the daily food intake.

Body paragraph 2

One treatment that can

be use

Change the verb form

be used

show examples

to fight

this

Linking Words

disease

Use synonyms

exercise

Use synonyms

Exercise

Use synonyms

is a cheap and easy way to cure people with

obesity

Use synonyms

. Because they can practice it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anytime

Replace the word

any time

show examples

and anywhere they want. Good

exercise

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

has many

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

not only for

obesity

Use synonyms

but

also

Linking Words

to prevent

other

Change the wording

another disease

other diseases

show examples

disease

Use synonyms

Conclusion

In conclusion,

Obesity

Use synonyms

attack

Fix the agreement mistake

attacks

show examples

all

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

with different

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

and gender. The sedentary

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

can be the main cause of

this

Linking Words

global crisis. On the

otherside

Correct your spelling

other side

, people can prevent and treat

this

Linking Words

disease

Use synonyms

with good

exercise

Use synonyms

sidneynatasha16

May 2, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

176 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

9
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
The debate surrounding an ageing population has garnered considerable attention globally, with opinions sharply divided. On one hand, an ageing demographic is perceived as a challenge for governments; on the other, it is seen as a societal asset. This essay posits that the benefits brought by an elderly populace significantly outweigh the drawbacks, given their wealth of experience and continued economic contributions.
7.5
band
Some people believe that free housing should be provided by governments for under-priviliged and people who can't afford to buy a house. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give example based on your own experience.
The question of whether governments should provide free housing for those who cannot afford it is a complex issue, involving considerations of social welfare, economic stability, and individual responsibility. I firmly believe that while governments have a role in supporting vulnerable populations, providing free housing to all who cannot afford it may not be a sustainable solution. Instead, a balanced approach that offers targeted assistance to those most in need, coupled with initiatives to create affordable housing options, would be more effective.
7.5
band
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
The technology is connecting the globe at a rapid pace to communicate with each other. The advances are not only accelerating developments but also moving towards unifying cultures to create a fusion. In this essay, I will discuss a few important reasons with specific examples and will express whether I agree or disagree with the statement.
7.5
band
Some say that the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others argue that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some argue that the optimal way to treat the health conditions of people is by investing in new medications, while others argue that promoting healthy practices is a better approach. This essay will discuss how new drugs can help in treating untreatable diseases and why I think that a healthy lifestyle is a better approach because it can prevent health problems.
6.5
band
Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times many countries have been depending on importing and exporting goods. It is a highly debatable issue whether countries should avoid the amount of food that they import , or whether they mainly eat products from their own country. I totally agree that it is useful to import goods from other countries. This essay will outline the importance of importing foods and not only mainly depending on our country's food.

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

Some people believe that free housing should be provided by governments for under-priviliged and people who can't afford to buy a house. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give example based on your own experience.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some say that the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others argue that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?