IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

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Introduction
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is one of
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 health
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 nowadays.
Obesity
Use synonyms
 can be suffered by all ages
gender
Correct word choice
and gender
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. There are many factors causing
obesity
Use synonyms
. One of them is
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
exercise
Use synonyms
 is a treatment to cure and prevent
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Body paragraph 1
People
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 era are used to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle.
Sedentary
Correct article usage
A sedentary
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 is a kind of lifestyle that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
daily activity.
For example
Linking Words
, an employee that
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
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 his day only sitting and watching a computer.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 activity is not equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the daily food intake.
Body paragraph 2
One treatment that can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to fight
this
Linking Words
disease
Use synonyms
 is
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Exercise
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 is a cheap and easy way to cure people with
obesity
Use synonyms
. Because they can practice it
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 and anywhere they want. Good
exercise
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 not only for
obesity
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 but
also
Linking Words
 to prevent
other
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
show examples
disease
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Obesity
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attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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 all
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 with different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 and gender. The sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 can be the main cause of
this
Linking Words
 global crisis. On the
otherside
Correct your spelling
other side
, people can prevent and treat
this
Linking Words
disease
Use synonyms
 with good
exercise
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
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