All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Obesity
is one of
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
health
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
nowadays.
Obesity
can be suffered by all ages
gender
Correct word choice
and gender
show examples
. There are many factors causing
obesity
. One of them is
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
,
exercise
is a treatment to cure and prevent
this
problem. People
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
era are used to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle.
Sedentary
Correct article usage
A sedentary
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
is a kind of lifestyle that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
daily activity.
For example
, an employee that
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
his day only sitting and watching a computer.
Moreover
,
This
activity is not equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the daily food intake. One treatment that can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
to fight
this
disease
is
exercise
.
Exercise
is a cheap and easy way to cure people with
obesity
. Because they can practice it
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
and anywhere they want. Good
exercise
also
has many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
not only for
obesity
but
also
to prevent
other
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
show examples
disease
. In conclusion,
Obesity
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
all
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
with different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
and gender. The sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
can be the main cause of
this
global crisis. On the
otherside
Correct your spelling
other side
, people can prevent and treat
this
disease
with good
exercise
.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: