All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise

Obesity

is one of

global

Correct article usage

the global

show examples

health

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

nowadays.

Obesity

can be suffered by all ages

gender

Correct word choice

and gender

show examples

. There are many factors causing

obesity

. One of them is

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle. Despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

exercise

is a treatment to cure and prevent

this

problem. People

Change preposition

show examples

this

era are used to

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle.

Sedentary

Correct article usage

A sedentary

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

is a kind of lifestyle that lack

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

daily activity.

For example

, an employee that

spending

Wrong verb form

spends

show examples

his day only sitting and watching a computer.

Moreover

This

activity is not equal

with

Change preposition

show examples

the daily food intake. One treatment that can

be use

Change the verb form

be used

show examples

to fight

this

disease

exercise

Exercise

is a cheap and easy way to cure people with

obesity

. Because they can practice it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anytime

Replace the word

any time

show examples

and anywhere they want. Good

exercise

also

has many

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

not only for

obesity

but

also

to prevent

other

Change the wording

another disease

other diseases

show examples

disease

. In conclusion,

Obesity

attack

Fix the agreement mistake

attacks

show examples

all

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

with different

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

and gender. The sedentary

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

can be the main cause of

this

global crisis. On the

otherside

Correct your spelling

other side

, people can prevent and treat

this

disease

with good

exercise

Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on Tue May 02 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

176 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In our fast-paced society, the allowcation of capital to transport systems has become a debate topic. It is agrues that, using money for public roads and motorways is necessary instead of spending for subways. However, I believe that both roads and public transportation have important roles in society and should be given equal investment.
5
band
It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
The world is experiencing a hike in humans population over the many years. This trend might be experienced an imbalanced proportion of grey-aged where old people would surpass the young people. In my opinion, this scenario is a negative development for overall society.
<4
band
Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, rural dwellers are moving to metropolis and cities, thus inhabitant in village are not increasing. In my opinion, moving to urban areas are not the best way.
7.5
band
Many elderly people are no long looked after by thier families but are put in care home or nusring homes.what are advantages and disadvantes of this trend?
The issue of whether aged individuals who ought to be cared for by their relations are now being placed in nursing homes has prompted a substantial debate. While many champion this because of its advantages, such as being cared for by professionals, others contend against it due to its drawbacks; in particular, it makes them feel lonely and rejected. Analyzing these facts will give a comprehensive overview of the subject matter.
5
band
some believe that students should learn a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later. discuss both side and give your opinion.
There is no doubt these days that learning a new language affects our life and increase cultural knowledge In this contemporary society some people believe that students need to learn a maximum three languages early in school while other believe that learning a new language for students late in school. in this essay, I am going to discuss benefits and drawbacks and draw my own opinion.

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many elderly people are no long looked after by thier families but are put in care home or nusring homes.what are advantages and disadvantes of this trend?

some believe that students should learn a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later. discuss both side and give your opinion.