IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #activities #children #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that the
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 should be under control by their
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 many people think that young kids should have the right to choose their
leisure
Use synonyms
 pursuits which they prefer to do in their spare
time
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, I think each one has its own perks, and I believe the combination of both approaches can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 should have a certain freedom when choosing recreational
activities
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, freedom in selecting a hobby provides
children
Use synonyms
 with a great chance to explore the world by themselves.
Also
Linking Words
, each of the
children
Use synonyms
 has their own unique characteristics, so they should be able to choose corresponding fields of interest.
For example
Linking Words
, those who are energetic and sociable may like team sports
such
Linking Words
 as football, or volleyball,
while
Linking Words
 the more curious and introverted ones prefer reading or drawing.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are some studies showing that when
children
Use synonyms
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
 independently, they will become more productive and creative, which is really advantageous in terms of finding their undiscovered potential.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mozart, a renowned music composer, only uncovered his hidden talent for music when he did them in his own
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the freedom of choice to spend
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is extremely vital with regard to moulding and developing
children
Use synonyms
’s self, personalities, and creativity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not a good idea that
parents
Use synonyms
 to allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to do whatever they like unrestrictedly. To a certain extent,
parents
Use synonyms
 should organize and supervise their
children
Use synonyms
’s
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
 to make sure that they do not become spoiled. Because young kids tend to lose track of
time
Use synonyms
 on their hobbies and neglect their studies; if
parents
Use synonyms
 do not regulate what they do, it will be easy for them to waste an excessive amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on many ways of entertainment,
as well as
Linking Words
 develop several bad habits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with accumulated knowledge and experiences,
parents
Use synonyms
 know what is best for their kids when it comes to
children
Use synonyms
’s development, so they can instruct their
children
Use synonyms
 to follow some beneficial hobbies, like playing sports or musical instruments.
However
Linking Words
, parental management should be maintained in moderation so
children
Use synonyms
 will not feel too restrained. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 should be able to choose what
leisure
Use synonyms
 hobbies to take up, their
parents
Use synonyms
 still supervise these
activities
Use synonyms
 of them to some extent.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: